I know nobody here "cares", and "the level of control isn't new", but I also have not many other places and need to vent. Plus, I'm harming myself. I know truths, ok I fucking accept them. I desire change, but I have abandonment issues, big time. So, I also tend to hurt those that love me, because I push them away, before I get hurt. I also have loved dearly, and been left hung out to dry several times.
Sometimes I feel only Kansas would get it…. Sorry for sounding like a bitch…. But I rather come off as a bitch, than the person I once was,
walking around with "Peggy sue" but behind my wallet,
so you can go ahead and call me a faggot.
Better a fag than someone who walks around drunk and mad,
Putting a piece to the head
Of a dude, than wasn't that bad of a lad.
So maybe one day I can keep records and start rappenin'
But for now I gotta be honest,
I don't know what the fuck is happening.
Does got a have plan that's great and all love,
To be honest, I don't know anymore,
As I kneel and look up above.
They've used "YOUR" TALENT,
TO SELL AND FILL US WITH POISON.
I CAN FEEL THE ENEMY, IN MY HEART IN MY GROIN, SON.
So, yeah, I'm a fed, walking around half awake and half dead
But you also quieted your stomach Rumblings,
I've learned every single rhyme that you penned.
Now, Im learning that double meanings exist.
But fuck it, the YID in Gematria, says names is salt, ain't that some shit.
So am I salty and angry,
Fuck yeah, please God give me your hand, G.
Carry me through the storm, cause my hands feel heavy, like two bags filled with sand, see,
And my feet feel like they're growing roots….
Pour holy water on them, wash my sins
From my head down to my boots.
Do I desire your grace, your love, your salvation….
Abba father, before u save me,
Please save every man, every nation.
A year ago I saw you again, for the first time in so long….
Then you went up and left,
Please come back, what did I do wrong?
I thought, I was coming to help,
Instead I realize I slid back into hell.
But hey, I also followed a dog,
Who taught me that I had to desire you treat my neighbor and enemy right,
Even if you made me walk through the fog.
But please father, I'm sorry for cursing, I'm sorry for yelling, I'm sorry for crying.
You know deep down inside I desire love for all, but lately, I feel like I'm dying.
Now why am I dying, cause nobody cares….
Nobody cares the lies told about you,
But I do…. And it's not the enemy who has me scared.
I fear you, and my past reactions….
I fear your punishment, and missing the numbers and clues, my mind lately got fractured.
For you, I'll sing, I'll pen, I'll dance, I'll share, and I'll teach….
And I know I still got learning to do, you know I don't fear walking to reach.
But only today, did I learn a truth about your man Moses,
Only today did I realize how the fuck, could Jacob send Gum from Israel to Joseph.
So maybe I am paying my taxes each time I sit on the throne,
Although, you've also made me believe there's another way, to unite chinks, Ruskys, spics, gringos, and even those bastards in Rome.
I still don't know your rules, fuck you can call me a mule.
Help me erase all the pain, all the anger, and I'll be your truest tool.
Help me unite, and also give me the strength to stand right, give me wisdom to bury the darkness at night.
Am I perfect, nah, I'm an addict and dumb
Please help me release those hindrances,
Cause you know I'm not having fun.
Why did u surround me by the enemy?
Oh please let me know,
Sometimes I compare it, like asking a crack addict to quit, and putting him on Skid Row.
I thank you for the wisdom you are allowing me to see …
I ask you to forgive them, and please,
Forgive me.
May I ask you bless every anon, every politician, all my friends, ma fam, and every celebrity….
May I beg you help us all blind children, open our eyes, so we see….
So we see your kingdom, so we see you care,
Cause like a penner once said, homie you are everywhere….
Now, where there's light there ain't darkness, and where there's darkness there aint light,
But your breath, lifts the birds to the sky,
And is in the breeze of the night.
I'm done fighting, I'm done crying, I'm done lying, I'm done dying.
I'm done punishing myself for traumas I had I never resolved
I have fear of abandonment, from stuff that happened before.
But you've always been with me,
I'm the one who has to open that door.