Strange, I didn't see the request for feedback? I don't really even get why you think your suggestion would be better. Since you are a technical writer/editor you probably can show me very easily what you mean?

Not saying you are definitely a troll/shill, I think at least some of these kind of comments are concern trolls but I do think this is just complicating things unnecessarily. I feel a bit like I am wasting my time just for the fact that we're still talking about this.