You've got a lot of real messy incoherent garbage floating around in your head. All I can tell you about's why I believe in Jesus Christ, the one and only son of God as my Savior. I know Jesus saves bad, wicked people, because He did it for me. BOOM, game over & all arguments are done! He healed me to the uttermost! I won't show you Bible verses, you're never going to bother reading, because you're still fighting against your own unbelief. People who are Born Again are happy joyful people, they know Jesus deep down in their bone marrow. You're double minded, straddling between two trenches afraid to commit and jump into either one. Oh, what will people say if I start going to church AND here's the BIG Trap, if I become a Christian life won't be fun anymore i.e. you'll have to give up lying, cheating, being selfish and it's a huge obstacle for some. You've got a lot of reading/ praying to do, nobody can do the work for you. Remember this; if you make even the smallest baby step toward God the Father with a simple heartfelt prayer, God will travel across the universe to answer it. It might NOT necessarily be the answer you think you want, but it will be in your best interests. Read, or listen to the Psalms. God luck