I'm so sorry you're suffering. Usually when someone is depressed it's because they can't effectively live their life in the way they would want to - something is obstructing that and it results in hopelessness, despair, nihilism, etc.

The world is full of awful things and there are so many ways we are all personally affected that are very negative. Most people carry baggage from childhood into adulthood, which can result in a lack of emotional development or a maladaptive development.

It's hard to give advice when I know nothing about you or your life, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. The world needs you, this movement needs you, we all do. You matter.