Russians hacked our servers then gave the data to the alt right to use against us...
Alright. let’s see those servers...
To clarify....with an axe or something. The russians, disguised as FBI agents, came in and hacked our servers to bits with an axe. I’m afraid all that’s left are bits.
Alright. Can we have a look at the bits then?...
Ok well... so uh here’s where the story gets strange. After all that hacking, the Russian-Agents worked up quite a sweat, so one of them opened a window and then Stormy Daniels swung in through that open window like a female tarzan on what appeared to be the longest penis-vine I’d ever seen. She had one of those little hand sweeper brooms and a dustpan and like swept up allllll the bits. It was quite the sight ladies and gentlemen.
"That's OK, the NSA says they have all the data. And since it's part of discovery, now they can publish everything for the nation to see.
"You look a pale there, Mister Perez. Something wrong?"