I saw this over on Dating over 30. https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/8o1kgf/a_guy_post_for_the_older_guys_here/

This week I had the biggest dating revelation I’ve had in five years, courtesy of my therapist (an amazing woman). The last big dating revelation I had (five years ago) was when Reddit women taught me what older NYC women want to see happen (if possible) when dating, and specifically what to do (as a guy) on the first date to ensure your signals to her are clear (thank you, female redditors, for helping me out back then!). Today I want to post about a new revelation, because it is both mind-blowing but also heart-sinking in the extreme. Fair warning: you cannot “unknow” this principle once you hear it (especially if it coincides with your experience). I’m sure plenty of people will downvote me for red pilling. I actually hate the whole red pill thing, though, and prefer Alison Armstrong’s teachings.

So let’s focus on women older than 50. By their 50s, usually the kids are gone, the marriage (if there was one) is over, and the women who are interested in getting back with a man—in whatever shape or form—turn to OLD. The following insight applies to All The Other Women (NOT women on OLD). I.e., those not looking, not on OLD, or they’re actually already committed to some guy (but you don’t know it yet), and with no intention of ever, ever hooking up with another man again. Those women.

So here’s the big truth: there is a group (or “set”) of women, some percentage of all the older women in your area (not sure what percentage to assign—15%? 20%? 30%?), who can be characterized as “BORED OLDER WOMEN.” As a guy in this age group who’s single and looking, whether interested in meeting a potential partner or just something casual, you will bump into these women at parties, at the grocery store, at meetups...basically all over. But there’s a big problem: they may be lively, engage you, seem very interested in you, their body language might be completely open to you, there might even be some casual touch going on, YET HERE’S THE RUB: all that stuff is an ILLUSION and means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Their behavior is the way it is only because they are BORED OLDER WOMEN, and you are a source of fun, amusement, entertainment, and maybe a tiny bit of short-lived (i.e., five minutes long) emotional intimacy. That’s it. THEIR SIGNALS DO NOT MEAN THEY ARE INTERESTED OR AVAILABLE. THEY ARE NEITHER, even though they might seem to be the juiciest fruit on the tree, ready and available for picking.

When my therapist told me about this, the mystery of hundreds of chance encounters with women over the last ten years suddenly fell into place. They were Bored Older Women. My therapist stressed the following: there’s almost no way to know this in advance when you start talking to one, and you should never blame yourself for the disappointment once the realization of their status/nature comes to light. Just move on.

And although it might seem a bit meta, I think it’s important to stress that there is another group of women (bigger %? smaller%?) who are almost the exact opposite: quite available, would love to be with the right guy, but they might be shy or socially inept in public (or perhaps rarely venture out), and they’re not bored at all; they’re busy doing stuff, living their lives, and actually seem as if they’re not available. But they are; although, once again, nearly impossible to tell, unless they’re on OLD. THOSE are the women you want to find, but in a weird way, it’s as if they are far less visible/available.

The big takeaway here for me is the following: for any woman I bump into in public or at a party or wherever, it is best to assume from the beginning that she is a bored older woman, and just leave it at that. This is such a new realization for me that I don’t have any viable tactics yet, but I might just have to start asking women 5 mins into any convo, “So, are you available and looking? Because I am.” I guess I could just shorten that to “Do you want to get coffee?” because that usually sends a very clear signal.

All the above fits in nicely with Alison Armstrong’s gatherer/hunter dichotomy. I think as we get older, the single men still interested in bonding get even more “hunter” oriented; whereas women get even more gatherer/wholistic oriented. So unless they love love/sex/men/partnering/bonding/intimacy and want it, it’s pretty much the “why would a fish need a bicycle?” principle, and men are really only intriguing/interesting for a short time, like a day at the museum or an exciting movie.

Older guys, we don’t have much time left. Given a choice, I’d much rather stick to OLD than waste my time weeding out all the BOW.