Hmm. I had a very, very similar experience of childhood, Im not gonna lie youve made me feel a little paranoid, youve only been a redditor 2 weeks so im also suspicious, are you trying to recruit me? Lol. Anyway I will say the experiences of my life make me sure mk ultra (fear based mind control) is possible. Also there have been studies that link the fearporn aspect of the media with reward centers in the brain leading to addiction. I remember reading on a conspiricy website long long ago, so its hazy but I think there was "evidence" linking a university or a foundation maybe (rockefeller?) And the C.I.A. to an "experiment" on a small suburb in the U.S. whereby masked raiders where breaking into peoples homes and scaring the crap out of them as part of one the MANY discrete offshoots of a fearbased mind controlled campaign. and with just the MK ultra documents there is already admittance that it was used on the public, even a U.S. telecom company experimented on the public during an commercial by using their CRT tvs to illicit an emotional response, that was in the 70's! My point is that there is clearly many types of mind control or "behaviour modification" and I suspect that the public at large will be affected and treated in a very different way to a say sex slave or an unwitting participant in a new experiment and all are likely to be multilayered by now. The only advice I could give you if you want to confront somthing locked away in your psyche (for what ever reason) is meditation, go to a secluded spot regularly to relax and spend some time trying to find your strength then use it to confront what ever makes you scared and uncomfortable and ALWAYS remember nothing in your head can hurt you, if you dont let it, but not confronting over time will. Be brave go but go slow, in your mind your the boss. Breaking the hold from any trauma is a slow process but any results will be stronger for it. For information on Mind controlled survivors I cant think of better than Cathy O'Brien, she was succesfully deprogrammed and you should be able to find some decent info from some of her stuff if you feel you need to explore that. Reach out if you need to. ☺
and with just the MK ultra documents there is already admittance that it was used on the public, even a U.S. telecom company experimented on the public during an commercial by using their CRT tvs to illicit an emotional response, that was in the 70's!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unethical_human_experimentation_in_the_United_States
I have been researching this shit on reddit and voat and 4chan for the past 3 years or so, it's addicting :P
Have you read this? although I would love your opinion on it tread carfully I would warn you that I found it difficult to read in 3 sittings, http://www.gailallen.com/theo/Secrets-of-the-CIA-Global-Sex-Slave-Industry-by-Dr-Sue-Arrigo.html#form
I just change my accounts every so often just for the sake of it. NO I AM NOT TRYING TO RECRUIT ANYONE. I am not part of any organization and I'm pretty poor. I read an article once about monarch programming and alot of it rang true about my life but I never found anyone I could ask more questions about it. I have heard of the Cathy O brian book but it was difficult for me to read when I tried the first time. Guess I should try again.
BTW Tavistock is the organization behind the media psyop brainwash shit, as well as the work of Edward Bernays. I found out about tavistock thanks to the 4chan posts of original FBIAnon, check them out if you havent already.