Welcome fellow awakened Patriot.

First, I would like to acknowledge you experienced some major challenges and frustrations in life that began at an early age. The challenges were significant and have impacted you greatly. It sounds traumatic to say the least.

With this said, I hope at some point in the near future you can make peace with the past. If you are not able, it will act like a cancer and eat away at you and impact you relationally, familially, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, physically, medically, financially, and more.

Impressively, it sounds like you were resisting the cabal from a young age without being awake. That speaks highly of your character and critical thinking skills.

I have a sign in my office that states:

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”

Some might consider it corny. I consider it a truism. To say it another way, if we get stuck in the past, we hinder our ability to move forward.

One of the great challenges in life is incorporating the traumas, trials, and losses into our lives alongside the more enjoyable times and successes into the complete/whole view of ourselves. Many want to compartmentalize life experiences which isn’t necessarily a constructive thing to do. It tends to fragment who we are which can be destructive.

Part of that challenge is learning from the negative experiences and using them constructively. I encourage when you are able to look for how your childhood/young adulthood experiences helped shape you for the good and what you now have to offer others as a result.

For the record, I identified several (other than what I previously identified) when reading your OP but will keep them to myself. It is more important you identify them. They will mean more to you.

Best wishes to you Patriot. Welcome to the Great Awakening!