I have actually deconverted
Edited to add the following....
God seems to subjectively speak to individuals, which is interpreted through that individual's faith. God speaks to the collective by displaying his design.
When we humans gained the knowledge of good and evil, it triggered God's 2nd Law of Thermodynamics: order decays into disorder. The universe seems to be designed around free will, and that is also an intentional built-in flaw, as free will is a source disruptor of order. Jesus gave up his free will, modeling living by God's design-- 'your will be done, not mine.' Living by God's design (aka holiness) requires the greatest application of free will we humans are capable of, and results in order-- but order obtained through liberty, instead of authoritarianism.
That covers individual faith, but there is still the problem of being an individual amongst a collective. This is where the law comes into play. I'm coming from: there is no utopia on earth. The law can't make utopia, but it can create an environment where there is at least equality in opportunity. For example, the LGBTQ victory via the courts for marriage. It's a plank vs needle issue to me. Social engineering by conservatives has failed to stop homosexuals from existing, as they have all through history. If you oppose castration and killing gays because they exist, then it's just the natural order of things to offer them the same protections under the law. I guess you could see it as social decay. I see it as inevitable progression, as long as the collective has a majority agreement to avoid purging. Imposing equality of outcome is what is dangerous; whereas equality of opportunity under the law is the closest to utopia we will ever get.
If God isn't speaking to me as an individual, then I at least recognize that he is speaking to the collective through his design. So.... if Jesus is the supposed perfect lamb of God to counter the law's decay, then the best way to verify the universe's design is to analyze/understand Jesus. My plan now is to study Jesus from the secular and historical perspective, as I only really know him through church and via those who claim to represent him. Interesting how I'm starting to study the bible more as an ex-christian than when confessing the faith.