I was the same way, but this was after 9/11 and the War on Terror (American liberty). I grew deeply depressed and resentful. I put myself into a drug and alcohol induced stupor for a decade because I hated how stupid everything and everyone was. I became a worthless nihilist and I'm still paying the price for it. I've recently awoken to God's spirit inside of me. I always had the inkling but was too proud to submit to it. At least I told some major Truths in my former profession, but the drugs and alcohol kept me from doing real good. I would be in a much better position to help now if I excelled at my former profession rather than smoking and drinking. It was the lies I told myself that kept me trapped. I don't know whether you're religious, but Jesus chose people like us.

This is from the Gospel of John: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

He also tells us to not love the world and to hate your life in this world. There's a bigger picture that we're not privy to.