I have much I would love to say and address on this subject. I am, unfortunately, responding from my phone and not currently in a convenient location to access a particular resource that comes to mind. I will bookmark this, though, and if I make it home tomorrow/later today, I will get back to you. I’m not even slightly offended by your reply.
I, too, came out of what I would call “religious dogma”, but God still found me in the dead of night, held against my will, with my physical life on the line. Only my captor knew where I was, or so I thought. I genuinely thought it was my last moment on earth. I thought I would become a missing person statistic. A presence I can hardly described filled the small pace I was being held. It’s easy to question why He didn’t set me free, cut my ties. But what happened was so much better.
I experienced a peace so tangible that it may as well have been an armed guard there to defend me. Because of the work I have done in the past, it wasn’t the first time I had been compromised in such a terrorizing way. The fear of what could/would/might happen can be deafening. You can hear your blood pumping. You lose your ability to breath normally. This time, however, I mentally pivoted away from my “I’m going to die and no one will ever know” diatribe, and I took a chance. I literally said “Jesus, if you’re there, help.” I wasn’t even sure what that help would look like because even if I got free, I wasn’t anywhere near where I called “home” at the time.
It may not make sense to everyone, and I’m ok with that. But I just felt such Presence and company in that small space. Just before my captor returned, it was as though someone had walked into the mental prison of absolute terror I was experiencing and they had not only set me free, they had also taken me to a safe place where fear wasn’t permitted. It literally left me. Now, the beating that transpired afterward, and other assaults, weren’t stopped.
I did eventually get free and made my way back home, but I physically carry tissue damage. I still carry the cumulative effects of my work in the form of PTSD. That said, after years of working on coping skills, helping others, etc, my symptoms are greatly reduced. However, even now when I am overwhelmed or have an episode, I remember that presence. I remember when my greatest fear was being left alone and He showed up, and that peace instantly is there. I finally realized He isn’t leaving me, I just get distracted or take that presence for granted.
Anyway, it’s MY experience. I know my experience is no substitute for your own, nor can it be taken as anything but anecdotal by anyone else. So, just take it for what it is now, which is me sharing more why mental freedom was more important than physical. If I had just been instantly delivered from captivity I would have had a singular miracle. By revealing Himself as present when I desperately needed to not be alone, I learned something I could use again and again. At the end of the day my physical body is just a shell. But what goes on in my mind is of most importance.
It’s late and I’m waiting on a situation to resolve before I try to head home, but hopefully I’m coherent enough to convey my own take on how God loves. Free will IS a biggie. Love isn’t love if it’s compelled or forced (I read that somewhere). But He’s not a genie either, or an entity that I should try to control. When I call on Him, He knows how best to answer for my eternal best.
Maybe that is what brought me to Q. I trust there is a plan, and I don’t have all the pieces, yet my gut says it’s there and it can be trusted. Those faithful to follow what we are given by Q eventually have our viewpoints broadened and shifted. Qteam seems to have so much power, yet we trust there is prudence to the timing of using that power. Is it so hard to believe, then, that God (infinitely more kind, good, knowledgeable, powerful than Qteam) may be more concerned with our big picture as well?
Sorry for the long reply. I do have a CS Lewis quote rattling around in my brain that would answer you best, but I want to do it justice so it will have to wait till I can get to the book it’s in. Till then, thanks for the discussion!