I'm not usually someone to talk up products, but I picked up a MyPillow queen size.
After my wife decided to transition to male, I took out a $750k life insurance policy. I scattered pills and black fist sized dildos all over the bed, then used the MyPillow to muffle the noise from the 9mm.
The neighbors didn't hear a thing and I could set up the creep that reads to kids in drag with plenty of time to spare.
Hell, it even sopped up the blood, and it was warshable.
Thanks Mike!