I am just like you, which is why you’re here. It is NO mistake that you are here. I can’t really say more than that. Just don’t stumble on anything or any response that might be thrown at you. There are some interesting characters in this thread. Kind of like the ones they talk about visiting the q thread, but spiritual….
I’m commenting only on the top part about the Bible. I had the hell fire threat held over me much of my life. I was forced to read the Bible often. When I had a real encounter with Jesus, he used that same Bible to undo the damage that had been done by the Bible. Certain verses would seem highlighted, followed by other verses that lined up with it. It is a puzzle that requires the Holy Spirit. Otherwise we turn into Pharisees.
Perfect love casts out all fear. “The Gates of Hell wont prevail”. Were going in. Fully armed.