Bless you, Q
As the family member of someone who committed suicide, please dont, anon. You may think it will affect no one but you and that your loved ones will get over it, but I assure you, they wont. You are loved, anon, whether you feel it or not. The damage to those around you will be great and life-long. The pain inside must be overwhelming for you to want to end it. Please, seek help. There is help out there. Bless you, anon, and I just said a prayer for you.