Did anyone else’s refrigerator mysteriously stop working two days ago?

At first I thought it a random event, but now, coming up on my third day without food or sleep, I realize it’s another subtle alphabet agency plot to tear me away from my duty here! I have seen enough to movies and TV shows to formulate my stringer plan:

P(ee)W(ee)’sBA-MacG…[I) vamos muy rapido:04:30

Suffice it to say, I will be leaving shortly to forage at an unnamed overpriced grocery store. BUT on the off chance this is a ploy to separate my from my beloved computer ‘Big Red’ while I am gone, I will take him with me. Worry not anons, I MacGyvered a crude Faraday Cage out of layers of bubble wrap and tin foil to protect him from EMPs while on the move.

If my house burns down while I am gone due to a mysterious second story fire, your’re your own anons. (Don’t believe them; I don’t even have a second story!!)

¡No Coincidencias Amigos!

(I will now use my extensive foreign language ken to mask my ‘puter ID)

RUH ROH! I hear squelching tires outside that activate my last almond to believe they can only be coming from two different models of black SUVs full of armed and camo’d men. I may or may not be hallucinating from days of lack of food and sleep. I seem to be unable to separate reality from Fantasyland…tell me again which timeline are we in???

I will HavE to adapt my stringer. If all avaiLable anons would now assist me by simultaneously running out your back doors and climbing over your fences (or Pushing through your baseMEnt windows…no judgment!), they won’t be able to catch us all! (The Great Escape).

(G0)tta RUN!

(GO)DSPEED ANONS!!!!!!!!