Please someone help, i feel like God has abandoned me.

I have been making apps for 5 years and all of them have failed miserably. I spent the entirety of highschool programming instead of enjoying my time with friends, getting a girlfriend, or studying. I was so devoted to making apps that I never even took the time to get my drivers license. My grades were so low when I finished I couldn't even make it into university; if i had spent less time programming i know for certain i would have high 90s but i didn't bother because i believed apps were a better investment. So much time and effort wasted, I feel like I have thrown away the best years of my life chasing dreams. No matter how hard I try or how much effort I put in, my apps always fail. My life reminds me alot of Sisyphus at this point and I can't take it any longer. I'm sincerely considering shooting myself because I've wasted my life.

I also feel pity for my parents. They have been trying to get me out of the house for years now, as I've made empty promises of wealth to them while I leech resources. I'm so sorry mom this isn't what I wanted or pictured.

I have been faithful to God. I try and limit my sin and be as righteous as possible. I always do what's right even if it doesnt feel good or rewarding. I treat everyone with respect and as equals, I do my best to love my enemies and friends. I pray daily but still no response.

I'm starting to believe that God is liar, Jesus states that if you ask long enough then you shall receive. I've been praying for success daily but God ignores me. He is deaf to my prayers and I can't stand it!

I'm making one last app and then calling it game. I haven't made a single dollar in 5 years so I'll either shoot myself or use my programming skills to steal credit card information to make up the money I could have made. Honestly at this point I might try and sell my soul since God wants nothing to do with it.

I've been patient too long and now it's unbearable. Watching my life get sucked away and my relatives suffer because of it. I've been so miserable for so long, enough is enough.

What will it take for God to answer my prayers? What does he want from me? Why does God like watching me suffer and want me to turn away from him? Why should I even bother living anymore if I'm just going to suffer needlessly? When will the rain lift?

Jesus please help and save me

>>813065

Thanks for replying anon,

Honestly I couldn't agree with you more, i used to pray out of love for the lord and not personal gain. When I first began my spiritual journey with God I wasn't doing it for material rewards but for genuine reverance of the lord. I felt closer to God but it was also more unbearable. I suffered more and didn't even get to experience the "joy" or "peace" Jesus claimed comes with serving him, in fact I felt the opposite; more depressed and spiteful (I wasn't serving the lord to get these spiritual blessings, but because I wanted to devote myself), was I lied too? I prayed for strength to serve God further and continue being righteous but ended up collapsing even quicker.

I became more materialistic with my faith after that because I couldn't stand suffering so much anymore. The only relief I could find was in material items so that's what i prayed for.

My soul and the kingdom of heaven aren't going to pay my rent or feed me. I'm broke, tired and hungry; where is this relief the lord promises to those who come to him? (Sorry if I came off as rude I'm just really frustrated with God right now, not you).

I'm on my last month of rent money before all my savings are dried up, and I have no job. I got hired recently by a viet restaurant to wash dishes but got fired 3rd week in because I was horribly sick the entire second week (thank you jesus).

Why does God keep giving me things long enough to get attached too, just for him to rip it away from me? Is this some kind of sick joke? Also, why would God plant a passion to make apps in me if hes just going to make me suffer for it? Isn't this what a sociopath would do?

Why should I serve the lord if I'm just going to suffer more and be pushed away from him? If Gods goal is to bring everyone closer why does he try so hard to keep me away? Am I really that awful that even God would reject me?

The book of Job is useless because it does nothing to relieve suffering. It just tells you to suck it up because god works in mysterious ways. Phuck that I want a real answer, how do I transcend this suffering?

I just want something that will make all this pain bearable, that's all I ask. If God blesses me with this then I will have the strength to fully devote myself to him. Otherwise I will keep failing and be pushed further away because I will spend more effort trying to reduce suffering than worshipping God.

I'm really having a crisis of faith right now and I appreciate your support and help alot. God bless your soul

>>813114

I just wanted to thank you for your wisdom. My life has been really great after you told me that. I feel much closer to God and have a better understanding. Thank you so so much for helping me, I finally have peace in my life (and joy). God bless your soul brother. My prayers have been answered.

Also please help me stop smoking weed :( I mostly do it to sleep but I start fiending and I can feel it pulling me away from God. Please pray I get over my addiction and can sleep properly…

Thanks so much guys I love all you, were all gonna make it just stay strong.