Friend, I obviously don't know you, but from what I can tell, you seem to have a big problem with pride, commend yourself to Jesus and Our Lady, and pray the Holy Rosary asking for them to show you how to become a more humble man at heart.
[Proverbs 11:2] When pride cometh, then cometh shame, but with the lowly is wisdom.
God Bless. I'll have you in my prayers along with all of my brothers in Christ that need it in this thread.