>>144905

Celebration of Life for spouse Anon yesterday, only day spouse's side of family could all be there. 31 days after death, sad. 4th and final, two were spontaneous when friends decided to meet up at a bar, didn't even know. 3rd was planned as friends needed closure.

Spouse would've been surprised at turnout yesterday, around 250-300 people came. Many got up and shared stories, did my heart good to hear the impact spouse had on so many people.

Terrible roller coaster called grief, when I think there are no more tears left my eyes start raining again.

Spouse was devout Trump supporter, was on 4th MAGA hat, lettering turned pink from sun, first one.

Mornin

>>144910

>Where does all that water and snot come from? kek

Good question. Your encouragement and understanding really means a lot, thank you fren <3

>>144928

Yesterday was good, being surrounded by family and frens eased my feels. Wouldn't wish this on anyone. Trying to pull my boot straps up, I'll get there. Thanks for kind words, ya'll lifted my spirit. Imma try not to puts my sorrows in here again, B positive is muh blood type.

Flaming Godzilla found, think I made one of those years ago sneaking in parents liquor cabinet. Neber mixes 10 liquors and kool-aid in one glass. Kek

>>144933

>not the time for boot strapping.

>>144935

>fully agree with muh frens statement

dhere.

Ya'll both right. It's nothing I can shake, grabs one picture holds to chest, speaks and cries to other. Dis bawling here ain't quite either. Today I wondered if God is tired of hearing me say help me lord. Noticed I'm slumped over when I walk today, everything about me oozes deep sorrow. Still have lump in throat, u nose the one, crying lump. The deep ache in my heart eased up some. Thought if it didn't stop I'd die. Going to Dr if it comes back, but I don't wanna. How long can ya live this sad? What kind of chemicals does brain make due to grieving.....

Even cat lookin at me bawling like what happen, you stubs toe. Knows day will come when I gets mad at spouse for ignoring health issue, the if only's. Only person I've loved this deeply, left me alone... you see, I've not stopped grieving, it's all the way to the core of my being.

Ya'll gonna tells me to write dear Abby if'n I keeps it up. Don't wanna wear out muh welcome.

Lubs you guys - non homo way.

>>144942

>we are here for ya-we all need it from each other

When I needs nudges in right direction knows safe to ask here. Can't take another 'in a better place' from well meaning frens. In a box, burnt to cinders, sitting on bed in master br is not better place. Still can't parts with ashes, guess I'll knows when time is right. Might take a year, we promised each other we wouldn't use the other as doorstop or hangs on to ashes too long.. Sleeps in spare br, master is a lonely place. Just me and cat, dogs died then spouse, sad year. Thinking about burying ashes between dogs, spouse loved these dogs dearly.. make a little garden and put up a cross. When time comes that's where I'll go too. So much to do, turned off cell phone last week, can't listen to voice anymore. Time to get wif program, drive to other house and load up truck again...