Michael B. Jordan will be making a performative social media post to honor Chadwick Boseman in the next few hours!
Gay porn, weed, and booze take me to my happy place, Mr. Rothschild!
GOYFRENZ
henrycavill The incomparable Kal. Part dog, part bear, part pig and all soul.
For those who don't know, this is Kal, he is an American Akita and he is an absolute gem. I've had him since he was 10 weeks old and we have been through thick and thin together. We actually spend so much time together, I'm not sure who imitates who anymore! And I'm pretty sure he'd be a strong contender for the world record for converting dog haters, takers or leavers, and fearers into dog lovers.
#Kal
#AmericanAkita
https://www.instagram.com/p/CDyijyyBhwX/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
This is you, Henry. We all know you only trot your dog out for social media clout.
Hi, I'm Henry Cavill. I own a dog. My dog is great! I take photos of my dog to show you just how great he is, but more importantly, I take photos of my dog to show you how great I am for taking care of him and performatively showing the world just how incredible we both are! Life is great. My dog is super nice!
Hi, it's me again… Henry Cavill! I care more about my dog than black lives. Here is me posting about BLM only because I was forced to because all the other celebs are doing it. Look at my social media feed: no black people at all! But I sure love my dog a whole lot! You know… My dog Kal who has soul, unlike you guys!
Will Henry or Michael post about Chadwick first?
This is what chemo does to your body, Henry and Michael.
Oh hey, it's me… Timmy! I text inspirational quotes from the Bibble because I care a whole lot. Do you want to see how much I care? Well, just sign up for my texts! My whole identity is based off of the death of some dude… Oh wait, I mean God! LOL sorry, ;-)
Oh hey, it's me Timmy again! Just text me and I can send you these dumb marketing texts, just like Biden and Trump! We stand for something! Do you stand for something?
We both like to get on our knees! Maybe we should both team up and start selling kneepads?
Oh hey, what's up? It's me, God! I hate my life.
Everyday is a reminder of just how badly I fucked up. Not just in my life, but in everyone else's life also. Sorry!
Oh hey, it's us! We have picture perfect families and we matter! Do you matter? Do you have picture perfect families to document on social media? No? Then don't associate with us!
Oh hey, it's me… Sam Heughan! I posted a bit about politics and social justice, but now I just want to post selfies because why not?! The world might be ending, your politicians may have failed you, I'm Scottish, I made a fucking killing off of gutting your stupid-ass country, but I want you to vote for Kamala!
Oh hey, it's us again! We're not American citizens, but we made a lot of money in your country while we actively tried to destroy it. Vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris! We're stars… Hollywood celebrities! Trust us! Follow us!
Hi, it's me… God! I'm a giant faggot and I hate women. The Bible tells you all how much I hate women!
Hi, it's me… God! I'm only voting for Trump because I like watching you all pretend to care about other humans' lives while posting about how much you care without doing anything on social media! Or wait… Maybe you can attend a protest of some sort and post pictures online of you at said protest! BLM? SAVE THE CHILDREN? WHO CARES? JUST GO OUT WITH A CLEVER SIGN AND TRY TO GO VIRAL! THAT'S WHAT REALLY MATTERS!
Pretty sure I was born with bad juju (jewjew?)
Why hasn't Michael B. Jordan posted about Chadwick Boseman yet? We all want to know how he impacted your life. We all want to see how your next social media post goes viral because of how perfectly worded it is!
I'm actually an uncut American!
I'd show you my foreskin, but I think you might be a creep who is into that, so I won't!
Everything is my problem, and I never wanted it all to be my problem. That's my problem.