Here's the lyrics then. They're the TRUE message I was trying to convey.
…I don't drink, 'cause when I'm drunk I'm a problem
I don't care who I hurt, I feel awesome
Holy crap, it's either jail or a coffin
Soon enough, I'ma be at rock bottom
Please help, tell me how'd I end up here
Last night I had one too many beers
Flashbacks but I can't remember clear
Why I texted all my exes and we haven't spoke in years
Every time that I'm hungover, last night doesn't feel so funny
I threw up on my front step and I wasted all my money
I got naked in a night club, right in front of all my buddies
Then I went home with some girl I thought was hot but she is ugly
I'm pretty sure that last night went down in history
Made it out alive and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink, 'cause when I'm drunk I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery
Call my phone
Okay, be quiet, can you hear it?
I don't hear it
Damn oh no, my sexy photos, can we clear it?
We need to clear it…