>…don't understand myself….
I certainly struggle with myself, but there are different methods that have been developed over thousands of years to get a grip on oneself. They typically involve focusing on a single thing for maybe twenty minutes once or twice a day. You can try to focus on nothing or any activity, but your mind has to be sticking to that one thing. That does somethiing to the wiring, it frees up some part of the mind to let it sort itself out, like letting a computer program run in the background doing it's thiing. Ideas might float up, don't latch on to them just let them get processed in the background. The brain has the potential to rewire and heal itself. You have to live a healthy lifestyle along with that, so the building blocks are available.