"Aaand rounding the first turn it's Shill Bread by a nose, No Control is second by a half length. No Control had a good outing yesterday, let's see if they can hold up in the stretch."

In other news: New category: Congresscritters who condem Qanon "conspiracy". In Blue.

"Coming out of the back stretch, No Control has taken the lead by a length and a half! Shill Bread is fading under pressure from independent riders, Jockey's Union blamed. It's going to be a race to the finish post to see who is freshest."

"Out of the far turn No Control has extended his lead. Shill Bread is fading badly and making a REEEEEEEEEEEEEEng sound. It's not clear if Shill Bread is injured yet, but the crowd senses blood in the water and is cheering No Control wildly!"

"At the wire it was No Control all the way. Shill Bread stumbling badly making that annoying REEEEEEEEEE noise. Vets heading for the paddock in case Shill Bread needs to be put down for good. Anon's seeing the outcome take heart that unions can be broken, vow to carry on"