Had you been alive when Jesus walked this earth, methinks you would have been one of his followers who were witness to his miracles and believed in your heart he was the Messiah; but, when he was crucified, deserted him, lost faith and never witnessed his resurrection and triumph over Satan and death.
"Oh ye of little faith," to quote the Master.
As the saying goes: it is always darkest before the dawn. Be courageous, anon. Don't shrink from the battle.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness arrayed, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."