Listen here Jack, I’m gonna set you straight. I’ll say this only once so listen up fatty. Back in my day we didn’t call it Covid whatever, we called it the “Shanghai Shivers”. Okay here’s the deal, Slick. I used to know a guy, went by the name Cornflake Jackson. Ol’ Cornflake used to play guitar down at the pool hall. He caught the “Shanghai Shivers” one year, and let me tell you, if Cornflake Jackson says, “It ain’t no thang” you can take that to the bank, Buckaroo. That’s how I know you are full of shit. I’d punch your daughter in the mouth.
I saw Joe Biden at the grocery store yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and sniffing my hair. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Corn Pops in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the Corn Pops and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each Corn Pop and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.