Philly Bans All Indoor Gatherings Unless You're Still Counting Biden VotesPHILADELPHIA, PA—With New COVID cases on the rise, and after reports that there are a few Americans left whose spirits are not fully broken yet, states are cracking down on social gatherings during the holidays. Philadelphia is leading the way with a citywide curfew and strict bans on gatherings that include eating, drinking, fellowship, or merriment. The only exception will be for vote counters who are still counting Biden mail-in ballots at counting centers.

"We must flatten the curve and whatever," said Pennsylvania's Health Secretary Rachel Levine, "but we also must protect our democracy from the evil tyranny of Donald Trump. This is why wehave chosen to make an exception on our indoor gathering restriction for anyone who is still doing the hard work of counting as many Biden ballots as possible in Philly."

According to sources, there is a group of 100 dedicated Democrats packed into a top-secret counting room to ensure Trump isn't re-elected.

"The health consequences of electing Donald Trump would be far worse than any consequences from spreading COVID at counting centers," said Levine.

Democrat families who wish to celebrate the holidays together are invited to meet at a Philadelphia counting center to share a meal and count as many Biden votes as humanly possible.

"This is a great way to start a family tradition!" Levine said.

https://babylonbee.com/news/philly-bans-all-indoor-gatherings-unless-youre-still-counting-biden-votes

Newsom Announces Curfew So He Won't Have To Wait In Long Line At Fancy RestaurantsSACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom has announced a curfew, telling Californians not to go out at night, so that he can reduce the wait time at fancy, expensive restaurants when he goes out to dine with his rich friends.

Newsom announced the "Stay at Home, Stay Safe, Stay Out of the Lines at my Fancy Napa Restaurants" order in a press conference Thursday evening. Newsom says the science shows thatstaying home helps defeat the coronavirus and also ensures that there won't be any lines at the restaurants he frequents with his buddies. As an added benefit, no one will be out to take pictures of him violating his own restrictions.

"Everyone, we must stay home, so the restaurants will be free for me and my buddies to dine at," he said. "We don't want you regular people clogging up the lines." He then shuddered. "Ugh. Poor people. They give me the willies."

In addition to ordering people not to go out at night, Newsom has suggested killing the virus with a wooden stake or warding it off with garlic and holy water."At daybreak, the virus turns to dust. It's… SCIENCE!"

https://babylonbee.com/news/newsom-announces-curfew-so-he-wont-have-to-wait-in-long-line-at-fancy-restaurants

>>11748013

Get some rest anon. It’s a movie, dis-information is necessary. Holding the line until you return.