GRETA THURNBERG APPARENT WINNER OF 2024 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
RESULTS IN DOUBT FOLLOWING ATTACK ON ALEUTIAN ISLANDS BALLOT PRINTING FACILITY
President Biden appears to have lost his bid for re-election to a second term, following the surprise attack on the Democratic Party's primary ballot printing facility on a remote and unpopulated atoll in the Aleutian Islands.
As of 4 am ET this morning, results show Thurnberg with 3.2 octillion votes, a substantial lead over Biden at 71.5 trillion votes. However, Biden's campaign expects to be able to make up the difference as the final ballots are counted, and has refused to concede. Biden's team has also hinted at possible post-election litigation on the basis that the actual vote total cannot be known in light of the nuclear attack on the Aleutian atoll, as the number of ballots cast there cannot be determined. The Green Party has denied responsibility, noting that their platform forbids the use of nuclear weapons, and pointing out that there could not be any votes from that atoll as it has no registered voters. Biden's team has countered that it is established precedent, following certification of the 2020 Presidential election results in Michigan, that large numbers of votes can emerge from districts without any voters. The uncertainty may cloud the coronation of Thurnberg as President Elect, unless the AP declares her the winner, and AP is now under pressure to take this step.
The 2024 election has followed a very different trajectory from prior Presidential elections, due to the confluence of two fundamental changes to the American electoral process. First, the Electoral College (while still existing as a purely ceremonial body) was defanged when Texas ratified the National Popular Vote compact in 2022, ensuring that more than 270 electoral votes would be awarded to the winner of the national popular vote (irrespective of the results in individual states). Second, voter disenfrachisement was outlawed nationally with a Constitutional amendment ensuring that "all votes must be counted". In an unforeseen interaction of these two progressive reforms, the voter participation rate fell off a cliff in the 2024 election, with exit polls showing an estimated 154,000 eligible voters actually cast a ballot, due to widespread belief that "votes no longer matter" or "free elections are a thing of the past". (This is, of course, Russian disinformation intended to discourage participation in the American electoral system, and in several states expression of such views is a criminal offense.) The official results show unprecedented levels of participation, as evidenced by the number of ballots cast.
Nearly 100% of the votes, for both candidates, have come from the campaign's primary ballot printing facilities. The Democratic vote was split between 57.2 trillion votes in Philadelphia, and 14.3 trillion votes in Coral Springs, Florida. Thurnburg's vote came almost exclusively from Victory, Vermont (population 62).
Thurnberg has stated that she is very pleased with the turnout in support of her candidacy, but is considering a plan to eliminate future elections, as the weight of the 3.2 octillion receipts issued by the now fully-electronic voting system was three times that of the Earth, and this is clearly environmentally unsustainable.
Thurnberg, if certified by AP as the winner, could become the first female and youngest President in American history, and also the first officially recognized foreign-born President (following repeal of the requirement that Presidents be native born, in response to the accidental revelation of Obama's birth certificate in 2023). However, there are rumors from sources close to Vice President Kamala Harris that Biden may resign on January 15th if he loses, so that Harris can briefly ascend to the presidency for the honor of becoming the first female President. Harris spoke recently at a podium bearing the title "President for Life", which was dismissed as an accident, but could hint at a possible disruption to Thurnberg's January 20th inauguration.
The Green Party rose to prominence in this year's election, as the new "second party" in the American two-party system, following the relocation of all known Republican voters to educational facilities in 2021.