Anons, I'm out.
I lost my job back in January because I called in one too many sick days so I could stay at home and research.
Every interview I've been to since I've been turned down for some bullshit reason. This is starting to feel personal…
Today I learnt that I have failed to get yet another job, the reason being I wasn't experienced enough with the learning management system they use. Despite the fact I mentioned at every point in the interview, because I didn't want to waste time, that I have never used a LMS before. In the face-to-face interview, I asked if it was similar to Wordpress, to which they replied, 'Yes, very much like wordpress'.
So despite being very clued up on WordPress, despite spending days working on a professional video (Which fully fell in line with branding. I know because I checked their existing stuff, and following the example brief to the WORD and having experience in programming and web design… I still 'wasn't right for role'.
It stings, because I really wanted that job. More so than all the other jobs I've been applying for. The 'feedback' I get is always positive, but there's one bullshit excuse why I wasn't right for the role. What's really grinded my gears though is that at every step of this last interview process I said 'I haven't used an LMS before, is that a problem' and every answer was 'No, you can learn it'.
So again, I'm starting to think it's some other personal reason they just don't want to be honest about.
I've been spending as much time as I can dedicated to this movement. I lost my job for it and I've been getting by on savings while neglecting proper job hunting (Only selecting actual jobs I'd want to do). Although now I think it's time to start applying for the call centres… I tried to start an at-home venture, but it's slow building. It will take a few more months before it starts to take off, and that's if I work on it daily. Even then, the income I get probably won't cover enough.
I've got £2.45 left in my bank.
I'm a month behind on some bills and they're all due again in a week.
I can't even afford to feed my bloody dog.
I'm ruining my reputation with friends and family as everyone thinks I've gone mad with this Q stuff.
I swear my GF is just one more Q comment away from breaking up with me. And she would be right to, besides neglecting her so I can research, I've let her down financially. In a weeks time, we'll effectively be homeless. And while she can move back to her parents for a few months to find her feet, I literally have no one.
I fixated in on this movement because I felt like it was what I was SUPPOSED to be doing. Destiny kind of shit. And yet, now I'm in one of the most stressful positions I've ever been in for my entire life. The suicidal thoughts are creeping back, but I've been here before, and I recognise the red flags.
I know this sounds like a sob story just looking for sympathy. That's probably got some truth to it as I'm looking at this as a chance to vent, and only having the Anons to vent to. I'm not really expecting sympathy, and I'm not looking for a GoFundMe or whatever. My problems are my problems. It's just these problems are too big to keep ignoring.
I still believe in the movement, and I still trust the plan. I honestly feel like this is us taking our freedom back, but it's not going to be much good if I lose everything in the process. So as of Monday, my entire time and effort is going to have to be focused on me, and sorting my mess of a life out.
Genuinely love you Anons. I know one absence won't stop the journey this train is on.