DEAR 12-YEAR-OLD SELF
I know you just came back from the movies where you saw The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the 8th Dimension. I know you thought that was some of the wildest shit you have ever seen. Let me tell you about the future.
-The whole world is covered in darkness and being slowly marched into abject slavery.
-Almost every institution is corrupt.
-Actual Satanists who practice ritual sacrifice and cannibalism are in places of power.
-You are a veteran digital soldier fighting alongside fellow humans, but no one knows each other’s names because it is information warfare and battlefield is vast, global computer networks
-You fight toe-to-toe with the world’s largest corporations, communist governments, rogue intelligence agencies and supercomputers.
-Your weapon of choice is memetics, a potent blend of new technology and old magic.
-The President of the United States regularly sends you coded messages
-You have the gratitude of the U.S. Military and heroic generals.
-In a poetic irony, rampant autism has been weaponized and Turned back aGainst the big pharma companies that created it.
-Your son wants to join the Space Force
-The government is releasing videos of UFOs
-Almost every bit of news the public consumes is an outright lie
-The last U.S. president was married to a dude…with tits.
-Most people walk around with a cloth diaper on their face in fear of the flu.
-Communists elements have infiltrated the highest levels of governments and corporations
-The stars and planets are aligning, literally.
-You are comfy AF
To put it in terms your twelve-year-old mind can understand: (You) are the one that puts the Death Star plans into R2-D2.
I’m sorry to disappoint you, my young self, that you will never get to see The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Against the World Crime League. You will, however, get to LIVE IT.
Yours with love,
(You)
This timeline ladz. Love you all. No homo.