I don't think I could smoke and research all of this great awakening stuff. It makes me paranoid. Maybe I should get out more
Seriously, it's like a premium package of intrusive thoughts, lost faith in humanity, impending dread. All this for smoking pretty much everyday for 3 years.
Had to stop, do some inner work, journaling, therapy, etc.
Seriously folks, if any of this stuff scares you, it's a good idea to write down the darkest thoughts that come to you and express them. It's paradoxical, but it helps alleviate, pacify a lot of the fear/darkness.
Igniting the Flame of Self-Awareness
"If you find it difficult to be aware, then experiment with writing down every thought and feeling that arises throughout the day; write down your reactions of jealousy, envy, vanity, sensuality, the intentions behind your words, and so on.
Spend some time before breakfast in writing them down, which may necessitate going to bed earlier and putting aside some social affair. If you write these things down whenever you can, and in the evening before sleeping look over all that you have written during the day, study and examine it without judgment, without condemnation, you will begin to discover the hidden causes of your thoughts and feelings, desires and words.
Now, the important thing in this is to study with free intelligence what you have written down, and in studying it you will become aware of your own state. In the flame of self-awareness, of self-knowledge, the causes of conflict are discovered and consumed. You should continue to write down your thoughts and feelings, intentions and reactions, not once or twice, but for a considerable number of days until you are able to be aware of them instantly.
Meditation is not only constant self-awareness, but constant abandonment of the self. Out of right thinking there is meditation, from which there comes the tranquility of wisdom; and in that serenity the highest is realized.
Writing down what one thinks and feels, one's desires and reactions, brings about an inward awareness, the cooperation of the unconscious with the conscious, and this in turn leads to integration and understanding."
-J. Krishnamurti
I agree. It is a powerful plant, and I think that the weird state it put me in ultimately brought issues and repressed feelings to my attention, which is good.
I may be ready to start using it occassionally soon, but I can't go back to the daily smoker thing. I'm really digging this wim hof breathing technique, I think it's a good replacement for right now.