It is absolutely bizarre to me. I do not understand at all. I am not joking.

I was taught very little Christianity growing up. I don't know any stories, just the big characters and just barely.

I read that Bible once and it made perfect sense to me. I had questions to ask other people, but as I asked the questions, all I got were strange interpretations and deletions of information.

I do not know what book the Christian people of America are following. I am not like some dude that been doing Christian stuff my whole life or something. I can't repeat any scripture from heart, but I can tell you what it does and doesn't say.

I just know, cause I am not an idiot, and I read the book, when people tell me shit that God would never say or imply.

I just have to go find some piece of scripture to back myself up. I have asked some questions here and got solid answers that reinforced my notions that were counter-mainstream. My aunt was helpful too because she is a bit in the middle between the new-age stuff and a more direct reading.

I stuck with the way I saw it. It was plain and clear as day to me. I do not care what people think of my life actions, my criminal record, my marijuana grow room, the fact i smoke cigarettes, drink too much soda, play terrorist all day, and choose no party affiliation, i do not go to church, i do pray in a group when my q friends ask me to join them in prayer or i see someone who is requesting a prayer for someone. I do not have friends in the real world. I am considered mentally ill by my family because of my actions. It can be hard to understand it is okay to hear the voice of God. It is confusing and people and they medicate the issue.

It is all just funny to me at the end of the day. Like so what, I lived a life of sin and I eat too much sugar and nicotene. I escape this fucked up reality a bit with marijuana.

Everyone else escapes with game of thrones and facebook and that is somehow different.

I am just a kid who lived a hard life. I got a house and a dog, a little garden, and my Q friends. I live on federal disability.

I like being Christian. It helps me understand myself because God told me he doesn't make mistakes and that I was perfect like everyone else.

I can't go to church though cause I feel judged and that is where I want to go have a social life and friends. I keep saying I will go when I finally quit the smoking cause I don't want to show up my first time as the guy that smells nasty.

I don't know. I feel like I have to justify my life choices or hide the experience of living in sin. I feel like I have to reject my sinful life experiences as bad choices I made. People don't grow up making bad choices. They are raised without God or misled by the flesh. It feels like people don't understand that God made us to suffer. My job is to suffer on behalf of society so you can remember that God is good and stuff. Read the book of Job.

>>12591534

Yes. My mother isn't even Christian.

She is always trying to correct my understanding of it. She thinks it is part of my mental illness when I talk about Jesus.

My sister is like estranged. I don't know. She is lost in life and she doesn't answer my calls much.

My dad is dead.

I have a nice Aunt in a independent living place nearby and we talk on the phone. She is a hardcore Trump Republican. She does something with the Apostle Paul and his teachings. It is too complex for me though cause I don't know scripture well enough to follow her.

I pretty much told off all my elitist prick family somewhere in life and now they hate me.

There is a police officer on one side of my family. I have FTP tattoes. I have been beat up and harassed by police. I seriously don't like police in uniform, especially at my Christmas dinner table.

I dunno.

Dad is watching over me. That helped alot. I know this sounds stupid. So much was lifted when my Dad died though.

My life made more sense with him understanding me from heaven.

It made my whole family cry and they were really upset when my Dad passed a few years ago.

They thought it was part of my mental illness because I didn't cry.

My Dad lived a good life and I told him I loved him. Why would I cry that he lives in heaven and watches over me.

It doesn't make sense to them because they don't believe in heaven, they just think he is gone.

If you believing what I am telling you.

I hear a voice from God.

If you don't hear a voice from God.

Just remember that someone is telling you they hear this God, and it is real.

I hope that can make you more faithful.

I followed this voice of God, I guess you can call that having faith in God, I just called it listening to the little voice in head. It wasn't hurting me and had given me some interesting ideas I never considered. If you think that is having faith in God then yes, I gave up being the master of my own life to live on faith or this voice of God. The voice of God led me through unexpected paths to get you back home safely.

There is no rational faith. There is no practical faith.

There is only faith.

>>12591843

Go fuck yourself doc.

Why would God direct me to commit violence?

I am a non-violent peace activist.

Even if a voice told me to do something violent, I would not make a choice like this.

I don't need to drop my vices, they need to drop their judgement.

You too faggot.