Welcome to war, anon. It isn't pretty.
I haven't wanted to participate in this clown world for years now and I've been severely punished by the system, but what can I do? I've lost close friends, my gf of 6yrs left me a few months ago and my own brother hates me.
But still, I hang on despite not having much to live for anymore. I find comfort in faith. Faith that this world will change for the better and that perhaps God has me right where I'm needed. You aren't alone, fren. You're here for a reason.