>Former Social Media Influencer Donald Trump
That is actually kind of funny
The reason I am asking this, and I really dislike sharing this is the last remaining thing that makes me feel weak.
I have always had trouble resonating with others. I always feeled like others were taking things too seriously, were worrying too much and not enjoying life to the extent that they could.
Then I met a person who was not like that. Only person IRL I have ever met that was like that, in fact.
We lived together as roommates with three other people. University times.
We spent almost every evening/night together smoking weed cuddling and pondering reality and stuff.
Never felt so loved. Never felt so connected. The person told me the same, acknowledged that.
Then something, I don`t know what, happened, and it was like a magic barrier was erected in reality that prevented me from being with that person.
Everything that has since happened with that person feels like a bad fever dream. Their actions make no sense whatsoever, they refuse to communicate with me even though we were never negative towards each other. The last times we saw eachother when it was clear they were leaving were some of the most beautiul moments. They told me they were coming back, and for some reason I still believe that. Although my rational mind has no reason to believe that.
It feels like this chain of events has split my mind into two parts. The part that loves the person, believes and trusts that we will be together again. That part is happy all the time and gives me energy.
The other, rational part of me, is confused, at times angry and at war with the first part because of that irrational attachment to that person taking up so much thinking time that could be put to use saving the world, making money, friends, fucking other girls, whatever.
What makes it even weirder is when those exact same parts started mirroring themselves in this qresearch stuff.
Completely mindbending. I feel bipolar at times, although I can manage to be very sane, social and loving on the outside.
That rings true. Some more thoughts on this.
I can`t bring myself to be with someone else when the experience is not as good as the experience with the other person.
I feel like I would be doing the person a huge disservice because deep down I would rather be with someone else.
The upside is that losing that person for now made me lose fear of everything else that I feared before because there is nothing else that compares to losing that. I don`t fear death, poverty, loneliness or anything anymore.
>then unconditional love is remembered in us and we love ourselves beyond anyone or anything and we ascend…
This is the part I am having trouble with.
It doesn`t resonate with me that the goal in this live is to live alone which I feel like this is the message in this.
Loving yourself? Sure. But loving yourself to the point that you don`t care who you are with is not something I can imagine doing. I want to be with that person. And I know the logical fallacy in that thinking.
I can let go of that, temporarily. I have completely transformed everything I was and still that part remains wherever I go/am.
Thats what Im hoping for.
And the "answer" I think I received..
But its hard to discern if its the truth or if it`s just what I want to hear..
majestic
What remains in these chaotic times is that the only thing I know is I love her, and the only thing I fear is never seeing her again.
What are you referring to?