You speak truth.
Were I in the position of a CO at the time this supposed standdown training was to take place, I would make certain that:
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the speaker(s) were positioned at least 30 feet from the unit members
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there was no working sound amplification
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distributed leaflets so generic that it only shared info of legitimate value
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frequent breaks
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no emphasis on paying attention
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lots of loud activities nearby, constantly
To relieve any subordinates of responsibility for any "lack of due care" to fully implement the ordered training, I'd deliver them all personally.
And that, gentlemen, is how we do that.