If you were a Zionist, you would feel fine.
It's one of those things people only learn about by doing it. But to do it takes years of training. Harmful if practiced incorrectly. If people aren't meant to learn about it, they simply don't. Like a blind spot in their awareness. Funny at first, now just sad. To do is to know, and to know is to be alone, in so many ways
There are two choices:
Go to nothing and stay there
Or
Go to nothing and cone back here to tell people about it (arya/sainthood).
But sainthood is an ego trip so I threw it away. No one to teach. Whole thing is meaningless. Learn to love the pain, until it's pleasure. That"s not a fun Way but it's "mine", I guess.
I can't speak for anyone else and strictly speaking I don't believe they inherently exist anyway, but I came back because I knew my friends would never figure it out. But they couldn't, or wouldn't, try. Asking people to kill themselves to prove they won't die was a tough sell, miracles or no. I kind of did this by accident, as in, doing things without training or permission and then having tremendous beginners luck. But there is no luck, so here we are, void speaking to void, pretending two exist where one and none are present :)
I don't care about any of this anymore, though. It's depressing and boring here. People are like animals, they can't think. So if I turn around again I'm not coming back willingly. You can have it. Whatever you are. Whatever it is. It's all yours, fren. I don't want anything to do with any of this anymore. Stones in the rice, thorns in the mud, laying on pillows made of coral, crying, half because he loves it, haldf because he hates it.
All I wanted was friends, really. To fix my life. But instead I learned there are no other inherently existing beings. Lol. Whoops. So, miracles, great. But you know what? Seriously, I just wanted the miracle of friendship.
So I gave the siddhis back, renounced my vows, told the Lama to stay out of my lifetimes, and went back to being a normal person.
Who has friends now, even if they are illusions, because he does the generosity, patience, kindness, compassion etc etc gig nonstop since everything here is himself, which is noself, and there's nothing else to do.
I don't care if I bootysotvahd anymore. The Lama said some stuff about it, but it wasn't interesting stuff most of the time. Do you enjoy sitting around in the void teaching imaginary people how to chant vajrasattva? I'd rather do about anything else. Do you enjoy having vajrayogini showing up in your dreams then disappearing for years or decades? Do you enjoy recursive games within recursive games within…
Cuz I do not.
:)
You can have it. All of it.
Aw, disappointing. Have a nice night.