Right there with you my fren. I stopped asking why, it does no good and gets no answer other than for power and money.
I had to take a couple weeks off recently, for my own piece of mind, but back now to do whatever I can. Maybe you need to take a break for a few days and enjoy the beauty God has given us.
Hang in there Anon, I know its hard, very hard. But we are all in this together and we will win, GOD always wins.