Something sinister
I'm just about the only one that I know who hasn't gotten a Covid vaccine. I've been open about it, when people ask, and the vitriol I've gotten has been massive. I need for some long term data to exist before I take ANY vaccine or drug, that's all. Just for that, I've gotten a massive amount of vitriol and hate. It's unreal.
Posting here, just because I don't know where else to say it. Feeling really crazy, since everyone else around me is taking these experimental drugs. But worse, it feels as though I've been cast out, just simply for questioning. Like, if I were to take a Covid vaccine tomorrow, it wouldn't matter, and wouldn't get me my friend group back, because I've already questioned and been cast out.
But also! To a person, every single person I know who got the vaccine hasn't changed their behavior. Some of them nearly haven't left their house in the past year, and talked about how getting a vaccine was going to make everything all better, but then they got a vaccine, and now, somehow they're still shivering in fear in their house. There are the variants, after all. And so many other scary things. Best to just "stay safe".
So even if I were to get the vaccine tomorrow, it's not like we'd be doing brunch anyway. And I've pretty well been disowned by everybody anyway, it feels like.
It feels, too, as though, if something goes badly with these experimental vaccines, then I lose a bunch of my friends and family members. If it goes well, and if here in awhile I decide to get it, then I've STILL lost a bunch of friends because they either don't want to stay friends with me because I questioned, or they're never leaving their houses again anyway because it will always be too scary out there.
I don't know. It feels sinister. I don't know exactly what's going on here or who is pulling the strings or why, but it all just feels sinister. We've all been atomized, we're all just one and one and one, every man for himself, no community, and WHY? To what end? I want to understand and I'm really struggling.