Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbour’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, you are dehydrated.

If your stream didn’t reach the fence, you have a prostrate problem.

If it is bright pink you have kidney problems.

If you forgot to get your knob out and you pissed your pants, you have Alzheimer’s.

If you missed the fence you have Parkinson’s.

If your stream smells meaty, your cholesterol level is far too high.

If you can’t smell your urine, you have Coronavirus.