Your not a shill
Your just in a spot where you can't reconcile some shit.
Been there done that
I even posted same shit you just posted
Then…after I quit for a few weeks. Lite bulbs when off and it all started to click.
You gotta figure it out yourself and nobody can figure it out and tell you. You just gotta come to your own conclusion.
You'll only feel more like a turd the longer you try to get others to believe you here though.
So, if you don't believe it at all. Then ask yourself…why are you here?