A conservative's email to their liberal family and friends.

Hi Everyone!

Although we have not spoken to many of you for a year and a half, I hope you all are doing well and enduring these difficult times, not only during this terrible plandemic but the pathetic display of hate incurred during that stupid fourth of July day last week. Honoring a flag? Fireworks? Founding fathers? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people in this country?

I wish to thank you all for the sympathies and outpouring of support due to the death of our beloved Sarah who passed away last week. Although she died three days after taking her Covid shot, we have been assured that the enlargement of her heart and blood clots which caused her stroke were not in anyway associated with the gene therapy injection. We are comforted knowing she lived her 17 years to the fullest and sincerely hope the softball scholarship she received to UCLA will be passed on to a deserving student of color. On the bright side, just today we received by mail her silver medal for finishing second place in the annual Springfield marathon she competed in last month. Finishing in second place amongst the hundreds of adults who've been running for decades was quite the accomplishment and we were extremely proud of her achievement. In lieu of flowers, we ask you to donate those funds to the Make A Wish Foundation to help provide for the dreams of those children with terminal illnesses. Please specify your desire that your donation is provided only to dying children who have received their gene therapy injections and are thus protected against the deadly disease of Covid 19 and it's variants. If you haven't already, please, get your gene therapy injections to protect yourselves from those who refuse to get theirs. Thank you again.

We finally have the opportunity to gather as a family this coming Thanksgiving!! As such, I would like to take the opportunity to share with you some amazing news. After 57 years of living a lie, I have finally mustered the courage to become the real me. I am proud to announce as of last week, I now identify as an African American female. Many of you know, or should know, that our great, great grandmother Betty was birthed by a black slave who was raped by her master. Although this has never been documented, the story has been passed down for generations. I no longer go by the name Bill and prefer to be known as Billie. My personal pronouns are (f)ae and (f)aer. Please address me accordingly. (F)ae know you all will accept (f)aer for being me so (f)ae don't need any words of encouragement or accolades. Please remind those others in our circle of family and friends that any disparaging remarks are now considered hate speech and (f)ae will act accordingly with respect to our nations laws. (F)ae would also like to advise that during our Thanksgiving pool parties, (f)ae will be enjoying the water in a naked state and ask you inform (f)aers nephews and nieces in advance so they won't be shocked. If any of them are confused, (f)ae would LOVE to sit with them in the jacuzzi and explain life to them, so please let (f)aer know in advance so (f)ae can prepare.

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When (f)ae sat Jill down to inform her of (f)aer's new identity, (f)ae fully expected her to ask for a divorce after 34 years of marriage, however (f)ae am pleased to inform you she not only accepted (f)aer decision, she let (f)aer know that she has felt the same way! Yes, after 55 years of living as a man in a woman's body, she too has found the courage to finally be all he can be. We are both so proud! He now goes by the name of Jack and his personal pronouns are Xe and Xem. Although we have enjoyed a rather robust sexual life for all these years, we both now know we were living a lie and look so forward to experiencing sexual gratifications with others of our same persuasion. If you know of anybody who can guide us both on this new adventure, please feel free to hook us up. Now for something very important which Jack feels very strongly about. Yes, xe has given birth to all four of our children, however, xe finds the term “mother” to be very offensive and asks that all of you now address xer as birthing person, especially on that certain day each year where we all express our love and gratitude to our own birthing persons. We know you all respect both Xe and (f)ae decision and this difficult but amazing choice we have made. Also, just in case you are curious, no xe will not be enjoying the pool in xer's birthday suit, hehe. Xe prefers to wait until xer's transition is completed in 2023 to share xe's new body, although we have been told due to (f)ae agreement to provide the necessary grafting materials, xe's transition may be sooner than anticipated! We couldn't be happier and plan to announce a reveal party in the near future.

Some more awesomeness! We received a letter from work yesterday and we both have been summoned to our companies critical race theory seminar being held August 5th through August 13th. Although we have to pay for our own travel expenses and are not being paid during this time off, we both feel relieved to attend this seminar and finally be taught of our racism and white privilege which has inflicted us since the day of our birth. Keeping our fingers crossed Lebron James will be a guest speaker as he has demonstrated time and time again his awareness of the plight of black oppression. We are simply honored to attend this expose and look forward to hating ourselves until the day we die.

Well, just wanted to touch base with you all. Now that we can breathe a sigh of relief with the removal of that monster orange man. Hopefully our country can become something we all can respect after 245 years of oppression and misery. (F)ae personally believe our president has us all on the right path.

Xe and (f)ae miss you all and look forward to seeing you again real soon.

Be well comrades.

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