Anonymous ID: f25e34 Oct. 12, 2021, 1:51 p.m. No.14773748   🗄️.is 🔗kun   >>3803 >>3889 >>3949 >>3971

A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church.

 

He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees.

 

The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest says "No".

 

He baits the hook for him and says "Give it a shot father". After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it into the boat. The fisherman catches a glimpse of it and says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!"

 

Priest: "Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?" Fisherman (thinking quickly): "I'm sorry father, but that's what this fish is called - a fucker!" Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know".

 

After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop.

 

Priest: "Look at this big fucker!" Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this is a house of God!" Priest: "No, you don't understand - that's what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this fucker!" Bishop: "Hmmm. You know, I could clean this fucker and we could have it for dinner".

 

So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to the Mother Superior.

 

Bishop: "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" Mother Superior: "My lord, what language!" Bishop: "No, sister, that's what the fish is called - a fucker! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we'd like you to cook it". Mother Superior: "Hmmm. Yes, I'll cook that fucker tonight".

 

Well, then the Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and they all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it.

 

Priest: "I caught the fucker!" Bishop: "And I cleaned the fucker!" Mother Superior: "And I cooked the fucker!"

 

The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then lets out a huge fart, takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, lights up a spliff, pours himself a large whiskey and says "You know what? You cunts are alright!"

Anonymous ID: f25e34 Oct. 12, 2021, 1:53 p.m. No.14773758   🗄️.is 🔗kun   >>3771

A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm came up.

 

They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. The priest told the nun that she could sleep on the bed and he would sleep in the sleeping bag in the floor.

 

As they were alone and beginning to get settled, the young nun said "Father?" in a song-song voice. He answered "Yes, sister?" "I'm cold".

 

The priest got up and went to the closet and got another blanket and covered the nun.

 

As he was settling back into his sleeping bag, she again said "Father?" "Yes, sister?" "I'm still cold".

 

The priest got up and got another blanket from the closet and added it to the sisters' bed, tucking her in.

 

He wriggled back into the sleeping bag. Just as he was getting settled and the fire was crackling, she called out to him again. "I'm still cold!" He said "Sister?" "Yes?" "We are all alone out here in this cabin in the mountains". "Yes, we are!" "Just this once…" "Yes?" "Just tonight… "Yes?"" Do you want to pretend that we are married?" "Oh yes! I do!" "Okay… get up… and get your own fucking blanket!"

Anonymous ID: f25e34 Oct. 12, 2021, 1:57 p.m. No.14773794   🗄️.is 🔗kun   >>3815 >>3862

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.

 

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.

 

About half held up their hands.

 

Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.

 

This time he received a response of about 80 percent.

 

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question.

 

With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

 

"Mrs. Smith, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any".

 

"Mrs. Smith, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-five".

 

"Mrs. Smith, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-five, and not have an enemy in the world…?"

 

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said "It's easy, I just outlived the bitches"