>they're doing 3rd shots now.
Denial
Attack
Retract
Victim
Offender
D in DARVO stands for DENY.
Typically, this relationship dynamic starts with the partner finding something, intuiting something, or suspecting something. The partner shares her/his suspicions with the addict. Again, these suspicions could be direct evidence (e.g., pictures, text messages, online profiles etc.) or intuitions (e.g., feeling like something is “off,” confused by the addict’s irritability or erratic behavior, stories not lining up, etc.). But either way, the partner brings this up with the addict, only to be met with a denial, such as “You’re imagining things,” “What are you talking about?” or the addict could then move into the next phase of this dynamic by stating something like, “I can’t believe you’d even think that!” or “What were you doing snooping around in my phone for?”
This leads us to the A in the DARVO dynamic: ATTACK.
After the denial, the addict will make an attack. This could be subtle, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about – I love you so much I couldn’t even imagine doing ____,” or not so subtle, “What’s wrong with you? You’ve got some serious trust issues. Take a look at YOURSELF for once.” Either way, the blame gets shifted back to the partner.
This then moves us into the R in the DARVO dynamic: REVERSE.
We can see that the addict is now starting to shift attention from him/herself to the partner. What may have come as a simple question from the partner may get turned into an onslaught form the addict. The original question or suspicion becomes clouded now, as the addict moves into the victim role.
As the addict shifts focus from him/herself to the partner he/she now becomes the VICTIM, the Vin this dynamic.
He/she may express this posture in a number of ways. He/she may come across as hurt and wounded, enlisting the partner as a supportive rescuer; withdraw/retreat from the partner out of offense from the question/suspicion/accusation; or become angry/hostile/aggressive in their attack against their partner. Regardless of how the addict expresses the victim role, the partner shifts from being the confused, hurt, angry party to the supporter or perpetrator in the dynamic.
By this point, the partner has become the OFFENDER, the O in DARVO.
The partner now is the “bad guy” and has to justify her/himself and their behaviors, apologize for what they said, thought, or did, console the addict because of the insult, or brace for an attack.
We each should email our representatives that we feel there should be no welfare for the unvaxxed.
But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. - Jesus the Christ