Notable and seconded
You need to keep a few of them…
NO, leave QSG there.
If You Have To Be
Persuaded
Reminded
Pressured
Lied To
Incentivized
Coerced
Bullied
Socially Shamed
Guilt Tripped
Threatened
Paid
Punished
And Criminalized
Is Not In Your Best Interest
https://t.me/s/jim_watkins
FBI Promises To Make Hoaxes Less Obvious This Year
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In response to customer feedback, the FBI has pledged to make hoaxes or 'red flag operations' less obvious in 2022.
"We stand committed to pushing the narrative of the Biden administration without also bringing blowback upon ourselves," said FBI Assistant Director Jill Sanborn in a prepared statement.
Democratic leadership has voiced support for the FBI's goal, hoping that it enables them to pass oppressive surveillance state laws. Meanwhile, Republicans have pounced upon the FBI's statement because they are racist insurrectionists who love to pounce.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell rebuked the federal agency. "What we have here is a supposedly neutral government agency going on the record to admit they are working on behalf of a progressive agenda. If only there was some sort of government body that could write laws to put a stop to this egregious abuse of power."
According to sources within the FBI, Assistant Director Sanborn felt like she was being attacked just for trying to do Democrats a favor. "Besides," she said, "I won't admit which hoaxes are ours. Boom! Plausible deniability. That's how they teach you in Quantico."
At publishing time, Sen. Rand Paul attempted to censure the agency and force President Biden to relieve Director Wray of his duties, but his Republican colleagues refused to lend support to the measure, opting to wait until a Republican was in the White House and get the FBI to perform hoaxes on their behalf.
https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-promises-to-make-2022-hoaxes-less-obvious
Biden Recounts Time He Was Arrested At A Civil Rights Protest For Wearing A White Hood
ATLANTA, GA—In a stirring speech in Atlanta this week, Biden recounted the time he was heroically arrested at a civil rights protest simply for wearing a white hood.
"There I was, outside a school protesting against school integration with my best pal KKK member Robert Byrd, and the cops were escorting black kids into the school," said Biden. "And then I said 'You won't turn my school into a racial jungle! I'm gonna wrap this chain around your head!' And then the cops arrested me and escorted me to their police car and bought me Burger King. It was delicious. Build Back Better! Universal mail-in voting! Yay!"
The audience seemed confused until several Democrat leaders instructed the audience to clap and cheer.
"Yay! Build Back Better! Universal mail-in voting!" they all cheered.
Biden's address has been hailed in the media as a "powerful call to America to be on the right side of history" and "a totally not racist speech."
Democrats have instructed black leaders to instruct black people that whatever the 80-year-old white racist said in his speech was a "good thing" and they should fully support it if they want "liberation and equality and all that stuff."
Republicans pounced on the speech, likely because they're racist.
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-recounts-time-he-was-arrested-at-a-civil-rights-protest-for-wearing-a-white-hood
Crazy Conspiracy Theory To Be Confirmed As Fact Six Weeks From Now
WORLD—A recent trend has emerged in recent weeks where wacky conspiracy theories are being confirmed as fact within a six-week window. Recent examples include the CDC admitting that masks do nothing, investigators discovering the COVID virus began in a Wuhan lab, and Alex Jones proving that the frogs really are turning gay. Now, with the world descending further into uncertainty, the world has begun questioning what other conspiracy theories could become a reality.
"I've dismissed conspiracy all my life," claimed John Smith, an average man from Albuquerque, NM. "But now I'm not so sure."
Smith isn't alone. Sources confirm that citizens in China were alarmed last week when they found out the Tiananmen Square Massacre actually happened. Meanwhile, in France, people are learning for the first time that their country surrendered to Germany during World War II. These conspiracy theories have become fact virtually overnight and the consequences are potentially disastrous.
"I'm looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. Gotta' keep an eye out for Bigfoot," said John Smith. "If everything the news tells me is wrong then everything could be true!"
At publishing time, Tawain discovered they are an independent country, causing their relationship with China to take a significant hit.
https://babylonbee.com/news/crazy-conspiracy-theory-to-be-confirmed-as-fact-six-weeks-from-now
'What’s The Difference Between A Human And A Toaster?' Asks One Of Nine Most Powerful People In Country
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, one of the most powerful people in American politics, has been getting philosophical lately as she contemplates the difference between a human being and a malfunctioning toaster. The question first arose last week when she heard oral arguments for a national vaccine mandate, but in the days since, the question has consumed her.
"Like, seriously, what is the difference?" she said to her fellow justices. "Malfunctioning toasters that spew sparks don't have human rights, so why should humans?"
"I think…" said Justice Alito while stroking his chin, "it's because human rights are only for humans. And humans are special somehow, but I forget why."
"It's like asking the difference between an ice-cold beer and a bottle of red wine," added Justice Kavanaugh as he pounded a few brewskis. "The answer is in the question."
Sotomayor has since buried her head in countless books in search of an answer. Her office confirms she's been reading through 'The Brave Little Toaster' in search of answers.
"Is this me?" she allegedly asked, looking up from the book to stare at herself in a mirror.
Justice Sotomayor has also expressed concern over the apparent inequity between humans and toasters, calling it modern-day slavery.
https://babylonbee.com/news/whats-the-difference-between-a-human-and-a-toaster-asks-one-of-nine-most-powerful-people-in-country