The NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL of MERDECINE

ARTICLE

SARS-CoV-2 Recombinant COVID-19 Vaccine has shown to increase penis length by 3 inches in some individuals

Larry K. Nonga, Elver Galarga, Cura Melano, Monica Galindo, Alma Marcela, Teregalo Mitrozo, Jorge Nitales, Aquiles Castri, Dolores Delano, Paco Gerte, Lalo Onganiza, Maria Melo Machuca, Benito Camelo, Zoyla Alegria Delano, Memo Herdez, Zoyla Cerda, Maite Lometo, Mama Dora, Dr. KaKa Wate

ABSTRACT

BACKGROUND

In a recent meta-analysis of Covid-19 studies researchers identified that those that believed that COVID-19 was not real had a shorter penis by 2-3 inches. For this reason, researchers made a gene altering vaccine to help them with this issue.

METHODS

We initiated a randomized, placebo-controlled, phase 1-2 trial to evaluate the safety and immunogenicity of the rSARS-CoV-2 vaccine (in 5-g and 25-g doses, with or without Mattrix-M1 adjuvant, and with observers unaware of trial-group assignments) in 131 healthy adults. In phase 1, vaccination comprised two intramuscular injections, 21 days apart. The primary outcomes were reactogenicity: laboratory values (serum chemistry and hematology), according to Food and Drug Administration toxicity scoring, to assess safety: and IgG anti-spike protein response (in enzyme- linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA) units). Secondary outcomes included unsolicited adverse events, wild-type virus neutralization (microneutralization assay) and T-cell responses (cytokine staining). IgG and microneutralization assay results were compared with 32 (IgG) and 29 (neutralization) convalescent serum samples from patients with Covid-19, most of them were symptomatic. We performed a primary analysis at day 35.

RESULTS

666 men who believed COVID-19 was a joke and that the vaccine had nano-particles in order to control their brain were vaccinated by their spouse while they were sleeping. Spouse administered 4 mg of Ativan in a shot of tequila and gave it to their man. Once the conspiracy theorist was sound asleep, the vaccine was injected in the middle cerebral artery after teaching them how to do in a pig. Of the 666 men who got the vaccine 667 had an enlargement of their penis by a total of 2.5 +/- .8 inches.

Spouses were very happy with the side effect of the vaccine

CONCLUSIONS

Conspiracy theorists with small penis will benefit from getting the vaccine as they will get a twofer.

DOI: 10.1056/NEJMoa202

The authors’ full names, academic degrees, and affiliations are listed in the Appendix. Address reprint request to Dr KaKa Wate