This is not our home. Just keep living. Life really is very short, eternity us forever. Do not self murder. Will not bode well for you. Suicide is like jumping out the frying pan(current shit that sucks) into the fire. (HELL fire and forever torment) Don,t chance that shit. I feel same daily.
Get a cheap kiddie pool, sit it sun,have washrag and wash face and change mood daily,look at sky, birds, cool off in sunlight and 20 pool. Sounds dumb but will change your mindset daily. Water, sunlight, trees, birds. Look UP and talk and cry to HIM. Face will be wet and only HE will see your tears to get them all out of your heart. DO all this pool stuff like a little kid,, you will heal something by just simple shit and talking to God and crying to Him in the water an sunlight, look up and make it to age 120. Do not let enemy win over you.