>Rick Moran
Moran
>As Time magazine reported, “Leiter’s involvement in the firm rounds out a power-packed team of politically-connected Americans that also includes a second new board member, Devon Archer, a Democratic bundler and former adviser to John Kerry’s 2004 presidential campaign. Both Archer and Hunter Biden have worked as business partners with Kerry’s son-in-law, Christopher Heinz, the founding partner of Rosemont Capital, a private-equity company.”
https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdny/pr/devon-archer-sentenced-year-and-day-prison-fraudulent-issuance-and-sale-more-60-million
Department of Justice U.S. Attorney’s Office Southern District of New York
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Monday, February 28, 2022
Damian Williams, the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, announced that DEVON ARCHER was sentenced today by the Honorable Ronnie Abrams to a year and a day in prison for defrauding a Native American tribal entity and various investment advisory clients of tens of millions of dollars in connection with the issuance of bonds by the tribal entity and the subsequent sale of those bonds through fraudulent and deceptive means.
As established by the evidence at trial:
From March 2014 through April 2016, ARCHER, Bevan Cooney, John Galanis, Jason Galanis, Gary Hirst, Michelle Morton, Hugh Dunkerley, and others engaged in a fraudulent scheme that involved (a) causing the Wakpamni Lake Community Corporation (“WLCC”), a Native American tribal entity, to issue a series of bonds (the “Tribal Bonds”) through lies and misrepresentations; (b) deceptively causing clients of asset management firms controlled by Hirst, Morton, and others to purchase the Tribal Bonds, which the clients were then unable to redeem or sell because the bonds were illiquid and lacked a ready secondary market; and (c) misappropriating the proceeds resulting from those bond sales.
The WLCC was convinced to issue the Tribal Bonds through false and fraudulent representations by John Galanis. Simultaneously, Jason Galanis, with the backing of ARCHER and others, worked to acquire Hughes Capital Management (“Hughes”), a registered investment adviser. Morton and Hirst were installed as Hughes’ Chief Executive Officer and Chief Investment Officer, respectively. Within weeks of taking control of Hughes, Morton and Hirst placed the entire $28 million first series of Tribal Bonds with Hughes clients but failed to disclose material facts about the Tribal Bonds, including the fact that the Tribal Bonds fell outside of the investment parameters set forth in the investment advisory contracts of certain Hughes clients. In addition, Hughes’ clients were not told about substantial conflicts of interest with respect to the issuance and placement of the Tribal Bonds before the Tribal Bonds were purchased on these clients’ behalf.
The defendants and their co-conspirators then misappropriated the proceeds of first Tribal Bond issuance. Specifically, although the Tribal Bonds were supposed to be invested in an annuity, Dunkerley, at the direction of Jason Galanis, transferred significant amounts of the bond proceeds to support the defendants’ business and personal interests. John Galanis, for example, secretly received $2.35 million in proceeds of the first bond issuance, which he spent on a variety of personal expenses and luxury items, including cars, jewelry, and hotel expenses. Similarly, Jason Galanis used a portion of the proceeds of the first Tribal Bond issuance to finance the purchase of a $10 million luxury apartment in Tribeca, which, with ARCHER’s consent, he purchased in ARCHER’s name.
>Devon Archer,
2/2
In addition, after John Galanis induced the WLCC to issue a second round of Tribal Bonds, ARCHER and others used $20 million of bond proceeds from the first issuance to buy the entirety of the second issuance. As a result of the use of recycled proceeds to purchase additional issuances of Tribal Bonds, the face amount of Tribal Bonds outstanding increased and the amount of interest payable by the WLCC increased, but the actual bond proceeds available for investment on behalf of the WLCC did not increase. In order to deposit the bonds at a bank, ARCHER misrepresented the source of the money used to purchase the bonds, falsely claiming that he had obtained it through real estate sales. The bonds purchased by ARCHER and others were then used to meet net capital requirements at two broker dealers in which ARCHER and others had interests. In addition, millions of dollars in bond proceeds from the first and second issuances were used finance the acquisition of companies which the defendants and their co-conspirators acquired as part of a strategy to build a financial services conglomerate, which ARCHER expected to control.
In the spring of 2015, John Galanis induced the WLCC to issue an additional $16 million worth of Tribal Bonds. Simultaneously, Jason Galanis, and others purchased a second investment adviser, Atlantic Asset Management (“Atlantic”), and installed Morton as the Chief Executive Officer. Within days of obtaining control of Atlantic, Morton placed the entirety of the $16 million Tribal Bond issuance with an Atlantic client, without the client’s consent and without disclosing the fact that the Tribal Bonds were outside the client’s investment parameters and that numerous conflicts of interest existed. The proceeds of the $16 million issuance were again not invested in an annuity as promised, but instead were diverted to, among other things, finance the defendants’ acquisition of another company in furtherance of their plan to build a financial services conglomerate, and make payments to one of the broker dealers in which ARCHER and others had interests.
-
-
*
-
In addition to the prison term, ARCHER, 47, was sentenced to a year of supervised release. ARCHER was also ordered to forfeit $15,700,513 and to make restitution in the amount of $43,427,436.
Jason Galanis, who pled guilty to conspiracy to commit securities fraud, securities fraud, and investment adviser fraud, was sentenced to a term of 173 months in prison on August 11, 2017. Gary Hirst, who pled guilty to securities fraud, conspiracy to commit securities fraud, investment adviser fraud, and conspiracy to commit investment adviser fraud, was sentenced to 84 months in prison on September 7, 2018. John Galanis, who was convicted after trial of securities fraud and conspiracy to commit securities fraud, was sentenced to 120 months in prison on March 8, 2019. Bevan Cooney, who was convicted after trial of securities fraud and conspiracy to commit securities fraud, was sentenced to 30 months in prison on July 31, 2019. Michelle Morton, who pled guilty to conspiracy to commit securities fraud and investment adviser fraud, was sentenced to 15 months in prison on November 18, 2020. Hugh Dunkerley, who pled guilty to conspiracy to commit securities fraud, two counts of securities fraud, bankruptcy fraud and falsification of records with the intent to obstruct a government investigation, is also awaiting sentencing.
Mr. Williams praised the work of the U.S. Postal Inspection Service and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and thanked the Securities and Exchange Commission.
This case is being handled by the Office’s Securities and Commodities Fraud Task Force. Assistant U.S. Attorneys Rebecca Mermelstein and Negar Tekeei are in charge of the prosecution.
Component(s):
USAO - New York, Southern Contact: Nicholas Biase (212) 637-2600
Press Release Number: 22-061
https://nypost.com/2022/02/28/devon-archer-sentenced-for-role-in-hunter-biden-fraud-scheme/
Hunter Biden’s pal sentenced to prison for role in fraud scheme
nypost.com/2022/02/28/devon-archer-sentenced-for-role-in-hunter-biden-fraud-scheme
By Ben FeuerherdFebruary 28, 2022
''A former business partner of Hunter Biden was sentenced Monday to more than a year in prison for his role in a scheme to defraud a Native American tribe of some $60 million in bonds. ''
The defendant, Devon Archer, was sentenced to one year and one day in federal prison by Manhattan Judge Ronnie Abrams, who said the crime was “too serious” to let him just walk.
“There’s no dispute about the harm caused to real people,” Abrams said, noting that the defrauded tribe, the Oglala Sioux, is one of the poorest in the nation.
Archer will also have to pay more than $15 million in forfeiture by himself and more than $43 million in restitution with his co-defendants in the case.
The convicted fraudster has maintained his innocence and intends to appeal the conviction and sentence, his attorney, Matthew Schwartz, said in court Monday.
In brief statements to Abrams just before Archer was sentenced, he and Schwartz claimed he was taken advantage of by corrupt businessmen who wanted to use him in the scheme.
“He came under the influence of a person he trusted too much and didn’t ask enough questions,” Schwartz said.
Archer, his voice quivering at times, said it was “nothing less than surreal” that he had been convicted and was facing a prison sentence Monday.
“I was doing too many things at once and not paying enough attention,” Archer said of his involvement in the fraud.
“I have deep remorse for the victims of the crime,” he said, adding that he was also distraught about the pain he had caused his friends and family.
“I’m most sorry for my family and what I’ve put them through,” he said.
Prior to his arrest, Archer served with Hunter Biden on the board of Burisma Holdings, a Ukraine-based energy company.
In a sentencing memo filed earlier this month, Schwartz argued that Archer provided “real value” to Burisma during his time on the board — but he resigned after his arrest in the case in 2016.
Biden had no connection to the fraud scheme Archer was sentenced for Monday.
Archer was convicted by a jury of conspiracy to commit securities fraud and securities fraud after a trial in 2018.
Prosecutors charged that Archer and his co-defendants bought more than $60 million in bonds from the Oglala Sioux, but instead of using them for annuity, they used them to “build a financial services mega-company.”
“Archer became a key player in the scheme, anticipating that, when the scheme succeeded, he would helm the resulting conglomerate and, ultimately, reap massive profits from its sale,” prosecutors wrote in a sentencing memo earlier this month.
After his conviction, Abrams granted Archer’s request for a new trial, but her decision was overruled by a federal appeals court and the conviction was reinstated.
At his sentencing, Abrams acknowledged Archer was not the leader of the scheme and did not attempt to obstruct justice, as a number of his co-defendants had.
Archer did not benefit financially from the fraud — and even lost cash because of it, Abrams said.
Schwartz asked Abrams that Archer be able to remain free pending appeal, which the judge said she would rule on after the defense and prosecution submit briefs on the request.
An attorney for Biden did not return a request for comment.
“Mr. Archer is obviously disappointed with today’s sentence, and intends to appeal. It is unfortunate that the judge, who has previously expressed concern that Mr. Archer is innocent of the crimes charged and reiterated that belief today, felt that she was constrained not to act on her independent assessment of the evidence,” Schwartz said in a statement after the sentencing.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10553465/Hunter-Biden-intimately-involved-Devon-Archers-company-emails-show.html
Hunter Biden was intimately involved with Devon Archer's company, emails show
dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10553465/Hunter-Biden-intimately-involved-Devon-Archers-company-emails-show.html
February 28, 2022
''EXCLUSIVE: Hunter Biden's business partner Devon Archer is sentenced to one year in prison for his role in defrauding Native American tribe - as emails reveal president's son had close ties to firm involved in the scheme but later distanced himself''
Hunter Biden's friend and business partner, Devon Archer, was sentenced to one year in prison Monday for his role in a scheme to defraud a Native American tribe
He was also ordered to forfeit $15,700,513 and pay $43,427,436 in restitution
Archer, 47, and two other Burnham Financial Group executives were convicted in 2018 of defrauding the Oglala Sioux Indian tribe out of bond sales proceeds
Emails obtained by DailyMail.com show Hunter had worked closely with Archer and from 2014 to 2016 - the period it was perpetrating the $60M fraud
The president's son, 52, was not implicated in the scheme but helped broker a wider, unrelated venture for Burnham with a Chinese firm called Bohai Harvest
A slide deck presentation prepared for the Chinese investors and sent to Hunter alludes to his financial ties to Burnham
At the time Hunter's lawyer said he knew nothing about the bonds scheme, claiming they used his name 'to lend their business venture more credibility'
By Josh Boswell For Dailymail.com
Published: 15:14 EST, 28 February 2022 | Updated: 04:21 EST, 1 March 2022
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosemont_Seneca_Partners
Rosemont Seneca Partners is an investment fund firm.[1] The fund was named after the Rosemont Farm, the Heinz family's estate near Pittsburgh.[2]
It was founded in 2009 by Christopher Heinz, and Devon Archer.
Christopher Heinz is the stepson of former U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry.[1][3]
Archer is a businessman who was Heinz's college classmate.[4] Heinz ended his business relationship with them in 2014 after Biden and Archer joined the board of Burisma, a Ukrainian energy company;[5]
Heinz had opposed them joining the board due to the reputational risk.[6]
In 2018 Devon Archer was convicted on securities fraud and conspiracy charges.[7][8]
https://nypost.com/2018/03/15/inside-the-shady-private-equity-firm-run-by-kerry-and-bidens-kids/
1/
Inside the shady private equity firm run by Kerry and Biden’s kids
nypost.com/2018/03/15/inside-the-shady-private-equity-firm-run-by-kerry-and-bidens-kids
By Peter Schweizer March 15, 2018
“My frustration,” writes Peter Schweizer in his new book, “Secret Empires: How the American Political Class Hides Corruption and Enriches Family and Friends,” “is not that the solid reporting on Trump has been too tough, but that the reporting on the Obama administration has been way too soft or in some cases nonexistent.”
The author of the 2016 sensation “Clinton Cash” says Trump and his children didn’t invent the blurring of government and business, and details a number of ethical violations on both sides of the political aisle.
One example: the little-noticed private equity firm run by the sons of Democrats Joe Biden and John Kerry, as detailed in this exclusive first excerpt.
Joe Biden and John Kerry have been pillars of the Washington establishment for more than 30 years. Biden is one of the most popular politicians in our nation’s capital.
His demeanor, sense of humor, and even his friendly gaffes have allowed him to form close relationships with both Democrats and Republicans. His public image is built around his “Lunch Bucket Joe” persona. As he reminds the American people on regular occasions, he has little wealth to show for his career, despite having reached the vice presidency.
One of his closest political allies in Washington is former senator and former Secretary of State John Kerry. “Lunch Bucket Joe” he ain’t; Kerry is more patrician than earthy. But the two men became close while serving for several decades together in the US Senate. The two “often talked on matters of foreign policy,” says Jules Witcover in his Biden biography.
So their sons going into business together in June 2009 was not exactly a bolt out of the blue.
But with whom their sons cut lucrative deals while the elder two were steering the ship of state is more of a surprise.
What Hunter Biden, the son of America’s vice president, and Christopher Heinz, the stepson of the chairman of the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations (later to be secretary of state), were creating was an international private equity firm. It was anchored by the Heinz family alternative investment fund, Rosemont Capital. The new firm would be populated by political loyalists and positioned to strike profitable deals overseas with foreign governments and officials with whom the US government was negotiating.
Hunter Biden, Vice President Joe Biden’s youngest son, had gone through a series of jobs since graduating from Yale Law School in 1996, including the hedge-fund business.
By the summer of 2009, the 39-year-old Hunter joined forces with the son of another powerful figure in American politics, Chris Heinz. Senator John Heinz of Pennsylvania had tragically died in a 1991 airplane crash when Chris was 18. Chris, his brothers, and his mother inherited a large chunk of the family’s vast ketchup fortune, including a network of investment funds and a Pennsylvania estate, among other properties. In May 1995, his mother, Teresa, married Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts. That same year, Chris graduated from Yale, and then went on to get his MBA from Harvard Business School.
Joining them in the Rosemont venture was Devon Archer, a longtime Heinz and Kerry friend.
2/
Joining them in the Rosemont venture was Devon Archer, a longtime Heinz and Kerry friend.
The three friends established a series of related LLCs. The trunk of the tree was Rosemont Capital, the alternative investment fund of the Heinz Family Office. Rosemont Farm is the name of the Heinz family’s 90-acre estate outside Fox Chapel, Pennsylvania.
The small fund grew quickly. According to an email revealed as part of a Securities and Exchange Commission investigation, Rosemont described themselves as “a $2.4 billion private equity firm co-owned by Hunter Biden and Chris Heinz,” with Devon Archer as “Managing Partner.”
The partners attached several branches to the Rosemont Capital trunk, including Rosemont Seneca Partners, LLC, Rosemont Seneca Technology Partners, and Rosemont Realty.
Of the various deals in which these Rosemont entities were involved, one of the largest and most troubling concerns was Rosemont Seneca Partners.
Rather than set up shop in New York City, the financial capital of the world, Rosemont Seneca leased space in Washington, DC. They occupied an all-brick building on Wisconsin Avenue, the main thoroughfare of exclusive Georgetown. Their offices would be less than a mile from John and Teresa Kerry’s 23-room Georgetown mansion, and just two miles from both Joe Biden’s office in the White House and his residence at the Naval Observatory.
In short, the Chinese government was literally funding a business that it co-owned along with the sons of two of America’s most powerful decision makers.
Over the next seven years, as both Joe Biden and John Kerry negotiated sensitive and high-stakes deals with foreign governments, Rosemont entities secured a series of exclusive deals often with those same foreign governments.
Some of the deals they secured may remain hidden. These Rosemont entities are, after all, within a private equity firm and as such are not required to report or disclose their financial dealings publicly.
Some of their transactions are nevertheless traceable by investigating world capital markets. A troubling pattern emerges from this research, showing how profitable deals were struck with foreign governments on the heels of crucial diplomatic missions carried out by their powerful fathers. Often those foreign entities gained favorable policy actions from the United States government just as the sons were securing favorable financial deals from those same entities.
Nowhere is that more true than in their commercial dealings with Chinese government-backed enterprises.
Rosemont Seneca joined forces in doing business in China with another politically connected consultancy called the Thornton Group. The Massachusetts-based firm is headed by James Bulger, the nephew of the notorious mob hitman James “Whitey” Bulger. Whitey was the leader of the Winter Hill Gang, part of the South Boston mafia. Under indictment for 19 murders, he disappeared. He was later arrested, tried, and convicted.
James Bulger’s father, Whitey’s younger brother, Billy Bulger, serves on the board of directors of the Thornton Group. He was the longtime leader of the Massachusetts state Senate and, with their long overlap by state and by party, a political ally of Massachusetts Senator John Kerry.
3/
James Bulger’s father, Whitey’s younger brother, Billy Bulger, serves on the board of directors of the Thornton Group. He was the longtime leader of the Massachusetts state Senate and, with their long overlap by state and by party, a political ally of Massachusetts Senator John Kerry.
Less than a year after opening Rosemont Seneca’s doors, Hunter Biden and Devon Archer were in China, having secured access at the highest levels. Thornton Group’s account of the meeting on their Chinese-language website was telling: Chinese executives “extended their warm welcome” to the “Thornton Group, with its US partner Rosemont Seneca chairman Hunter Biden (second son of the now Vice President Joe Biden).”
The purpose of the meetings was to “explore the possibility of commercial cooperation and opportunity.” Curiously, details about the meeting do not appear on their English-language website.
Also, according to the Thornton Group, the three Americans met with the largest and most powerful government fund leaders in China — even though Rosemont was both new and small.
The timing of this meeting was also curious. It occurred just hours before Hunter Biden’s father, the vice president, met with Chinese President Hu in Washington as part of the Nuclear Security Summit.
There was a second known meeting with many of the same Chinese financial titans in Taiwan in May 2011. For a small firm like Rosemont Seneca with no track record, it was an impressive level of access to China’s largest financial players. And it was just two weeks after Joe Biden had opened up the US-China strategic dialogue with Chinese officials in Washington.
On one of the first days of December 2013, Hunter Biden was jetting across the Pacific Ocean aboard Air Force Two with his father and daughter Finnegan. The vice president was heading to Asia on an extended official trip. Tensions in the region were on the rise.
The American delegation was visiting Japan, China, and South Korea. But it was the visit to China that had the most potential to generate conflict and controversy. The Obama administration had instituted the “Asia Pivot” in its international strategy, shifting attention away from Europe and toward Asia, where China was flexing its muscles.
For Hunter Biden, the trip coincided with a major deal that Rosemont Seneca was striking with the state-owned Bank of China. From his perspective, the timing couldn’t have been better.
Vice President Biden, Hunter Biden and Finnegan arrived to a red carpet and a delegation of Chinese officials. Greeted by Chinese children carrying flowers, the delegation was then whisked to a meeting with Vice President Li Yuanchao and talks with President Xi Jinping.
4/4
Hunter and Finnegan Biden joined the vice president for tea with US Ambassador Gary Locke at the Liu Xian Guan Teahouse in the Dongcheng District in Beijing. Where Hunter Biden spent the rest of his time on the trip remains largely a mystery. There are actually more reports of his daughter Finnegan’s activities than his.
What was not reported was the deal that Hunter was securing. Rosemont Seneca Partners had been negotiating an exclusive deal with Chinese officials, which they signed approximately 10 days after Hunter visited China with his father. The most powerful financial institution in China, the government’s Bank of China, was setting up a joint venture with Rosemont Seneca.
Often those foreign entities gained favorable policy actions from the United States government just as the sons were securing favorable financial deals from those same entities.
The Bank of China is an enormously powerful financial institution. But the Bank of China is very different from the Bank of America. The Bank of China is government-owned, which means that its role as a bank blurs into its role as a tool of the government. The Bank of China provides capital for “China’s economic statecraft,” as scholar James Reilly puts it. Bank loans and deals often occur within the context of a government goal.
Rosemont Seneca and the Bank of China created a $1 billion investment fund called Bohai Harvest RST (BHR), a name that reflected who was involved. Bohai (or Bo Hai), the innermost gulf of the Yellow Sea, was a reference to the Chinese stake in the company. The “RS” referred to Rosemont Seneca. The “T” was Thornton.
The fund enjoyed an unusual and special status in China. BHR touted its “unique Sino-US shareholding structure” and “the global resources and network” that allowed it to secure investment “opportunities.” Funds were backed by the Chinese government.
In short, the Chinese government was literally funding a business that it co-owned along with the sons of two of America’s most powerful decision makers.
The partnership between American princelings and the Chinese government was just a beginning. The actual investment deals that this partnership made were even more problematic. Many of them would have serious national security implications for the United States.
In 2015, BHR joined forces with the automotive subsidiary of the Chinese state-owned military aviation contractor Aviation Industry Corporation of China (AVIC) to buy American “dual-use” parts manufacturer Henniges.
AVIC is a major military contractor in China. It operates “under the direct control of the State Council” and produces a wide array of fighter and bomber aircraft, transports, and drones — primarily designed to compete with the United States.
The company also has a long history of stealing Western technology and applying it to military systems. The year before BHR joined with AVIC, the Wall Street Journal reported that the aviation company had stolen technologies related to the US F-35 stealth fighter and incorporated them in their own stealth fighter, the J-31. AVIC has also been accused of stealing US drone systems and using them to produce their own.
In September 2015, when AVIC bought 51 percent of American precision-parts manufacturer Henniges, the other 49 percent was purchased by the Biden-and-Kerry-linked BHR.
Henniges is recognized as a world leader in anti-vibration technologies in the automotive industry and for its precise, state-of-the-art manufacturing capabilities. Anti-vibration technologies are considered “dual-use” because they can have a military application, according to both the State Department and Department of Commerce.
The technology is also on the restricted Commerce Control List used by the federal government to limit the exports of certain technologies. For that reason, the Henniges deal would require the approval of the Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States (CFIUS), which reviews sensitive business transactions that may have a national security implication.
According to BHR internal documents, the Henniges deal included “arduous and often-times challenging negotiations.” The CFIUS review in 2015 included representatives from numerous government agencies including John Kerry’s State Department.
The deal was approved in 2015.
''Excerpted with permission from “Secret Empires: How the American Political Class Hides Corruption and Enriches Family and Friends,” by Peter Schweizer, published by Harper Collins. The book goes on sale March 20.''
'' Fvck Joe Biden!''
Local Man Protests Russia By Returning Mail-Order Bride
Pelosi Rubs Forelegs Together In Signal For Her Insect Hordes To Commence Their Uprising
In Protest Against Russia, Vodka to be Renamed Happy Potato Juice
9:13 PM · Mar 5, 2022·Twitter Web App
https://twitter.com/The_Kyle_Mann/status/1500293456547049472
If you think the headlines we publish at @TheBabylonBee aren't funny, just wait til you see what was rejected! Here's some unused pitches from my writers over the past 5 or 6 days:
Betty White Mysteriously Silent On Ukraine Invasion
Blow Of Harsh Text Message Softened With Lol
Kamala Harris Reviews “The Batman”: “He's a man. Who Looks Like A Bat. Who Fights Bad Guys.”
Janitor Squeezes Fauci Into Storage Closet Between Greta Thunberg, Cindy Sheehan
CNN Replaces Covid Death Counter With Ukraine Death Counter
People Who Haven't Changed Profile Picture To Ukrainian Flag Added To FBI Terrorist Watchlist
Couple Trying To Gauge Whether They Have The Energy For A 40-Minute TV Show Tonight
Local Man Protests Russia By Returning Mail-Order Bride
Pelosi Rubs Forelegs Together In Signal For Her Insect Hordes To Commence Their Uprising
In Protest Against Russia, Vodka to be Renamed Happy Potato Juice
After Announcing Support For Funding Police, Ending Mandates, Enforcing Borders, Biden Now Frontrunner For Republican Nomination
Husband Briefly Thinks About Getting Into Shape, Loses 25 Pounds
Putin Dons President Xi Mask So Apple Will Still Do Business In Russia
Ben Shapiro Gives Comprehensive, Point By Point Rebuttal To Biden's State Of The Union In 2.3 Seconds
Dad Buys Yet Another Video Game He Will Never, Ever Play
Oh No! Confused Biden Gives State Of The Confederacy
State Of The Union Moved To 3:30PM EST To Accommodate Biden’s Bedtime
Unhinged Putin Purchases Eye Patch, Swivel Chair, and Fluffy Cat
We Don't Talk About Bruno, Sings Family In 4 Minute Musical Number About Bruno
Kamala Harris Remembers Calling For Fweedom As A Young Ukrainian Girl
Husband Announces Sanctions Against Wife After She Invades His Side Of Bed Again
Ugh: Video Game Wants You Read A Note Somewhere In Your Inventory Again
(And these are just the ones I thought were good enough to share as rejects!)
Absolute dream job to bounce jokes around with the other writers all day. I work with the funniest people on the planet :)
• • •