As 'Solo: A Star Wars Story' Flops, Are Movies About White Men Box Office Poison?
As Memorial Day comes and goes, we’re reminded that summer blockbuster season is also upon us. In the past, this was a time for exclusively straight white men to enact their rape fantasies on screens across the country, as well as to practice sexual assault in darkened theaters. This year, however, may see the end of the age-old tradition, as increasingly more audiences are turning away from the mainstream fare and avoiding big-budget action flicks starring white, presumably straight, men.
The disappointing box office total for Solo, Disney’s latest offering to the Star Wars oeuvre, is emblematic. Expected to make more money than half of Africa earns in a year, the film’s opening weekend only brought in the combined GDP of 11 sub-Saharan countries instead. All this has industry watchers asking: “Is the age of white male action heroes finally dead?”
It seems to be, according to one random moviegoer we picked totally at random for this article:
>As a bi-gendered two-spirit demi-queer wymyyn of coulour, I have always had a problem with Han Solo as a straight white male protagonist. And my Dad. I definitely have a problem with my fucking Dad.
Other moviegoers made the point even more forcefully. As one African-American viewer put it:
>Uggha fugga. Sheeeeeiit, nigga! Muh muhfugging Nike Addidas, nig, you catch me brah? Yo’ best shtump fuh mah nig, cos’ ain’t no fuggin hugmah, y’unnestan’? Bix nood, mah muhfuggin food stamps, nigga!
Other fans of the franchise, when asked what might be driving Solo's disappointing $100 million first-weekend take, rather than the expected $140 million, had mixed explanations:
>Fuck, man. Are movie theaters still a thing? I just stream that shit on Torrent.
>The whole thing will be on YouTube in, like, a month. Why would I pay $30 to see it in the theater?
>Star Wars sucks because George Lucas sold it to Jews.
Solo’s disappointing box office returns should be viewed in the historical context they take place in. As the white male share of the Western demographic slips from its former high of 40 percent to a mid-century projected low of just 33 percent, audiences will be less and less eager to invest in a ticket and popcorn to watch the same old white male action-adventure fare that sufficed in past decades. This, according to several journalism majors who have zero actual experience in the movie industry, but whose sociology professors kept putting stickers on their privilege dissertations.
As of press time, (((((((((The Disney Corporation))))))))) has not issued a statement, but when they do, expert Disney-watchers expect it to be printed on the cheapest possible paper and reference the Holocaust at least once in the first 50 words.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/scottmendelson/2018/05/29/as-solo-a-star-wars-story-flops-are-movies-about-white-men-box-office-poison/#298a7f165d49
http://archive.is/i7Frz