I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?
How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?
I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?
I was addicted to hokey pokey…but I turned myself around.
I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian
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I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.
Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.
Why don't pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Did you hear about the guy who froze to death at the drive-in? He went to see Closed for the Winter.
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.