look …. something you need to realize. God doesn't owe you anything. Arguing with God…being mad with God… I mean go ahead, but what do you think that is going to get you. Most people don't understand that the bible isn't about them. It's about Jesus…. the whole thing. Be grateful for what he did for you already. Anything extra… count your blessings.
Don't meditate…. PRAY… pray again…then pray again