Been through what it seems like you’re going through right now. What helped me was prayer. Like, desperate prayer. Over time you’ll see more clearly what is going on and gain a better perspective. Pray anon. Not to some made up God you have in your head but to whatever it is that can hear you, and drop everything you think you know. If you do this earnestly, and ask for answers, you’ll get them, and even then you may still be confused/angry. But there’s something real and spiritual going on in this world, and it responds to people that want it badly enough. Don’t hurt yourself or anyone else, other than that, I don’t have much advice. Oh, be a good person. Don’t ever give that up, even if it feels like you have plenty of reasons to.