There's a lot I need to plan. Please give me a number in months until I'm needed. There are so many ends in my life that need to tie up. You know the future, you know my future. This is where a shitton of guidance would be nice. A life-changing decision is about to be made by me, but first I need to know the number in months I'm going to have to wait until I can be who I am meant to be. A nice noncryptic answer will be nice, I'm going insane.

Seriously not fun for me to face so many problems with no support…if I only had a friend to talk to that knows who I really am, so I can make sure I'm making a sane decision regarding my entire future. Not a single person knows but you, so if my father trusted you, I can as well. It would be nice if you reached out to me somehow, and let me know the answer to my query…otherwise, you just may have a man with a brain made of mush. If I were to put my loneliness into a number it would be 9/10. Frustration 10/10 Mentalfuckiness 11/10, Love ?/10, another frustrating topic.

It's a number, let's hope and pray it's a single-digit because I might have to leave before then. There must be something better out there that I could be doing. Until then, here I sit being told I have more than I know. unless I have a mystery disease, I don't have anything I don't know about. Twiddling my thumbs waiting, should I be working out, wish I could.